Throwin' blows

Umm, so we had the joy of experiencing our first fight last night. Sunday night, during study hall time we have "Sunday Schpele". This means that while the girls are locked away in their rooms studying (yeah right) - The girl Bigs have a chance to get on the same page and catch up with one another. Its a very important and much needed time. Well, last night, we finished Sunday Schpele to find lots of excitement and whispering. So we're trying to figgure out what's going on and it ends up that one of the Littles beat up another Little during Sunday Schpele. That made for a long night- yes, with trying to figgure things out and calling the house director and cops, and settling everyone down, but much more than with these things, with my heart. Its amazing how the moment one person or situation escalates here, so does everything else. Its like everyone has to try and find some way to "one up" whatever is going on and try and get more attention for themselves. Its crazy. After things settled down last night, the moment I opened the door to my room I fell apart- and that lasted a few hours till I fell asleep. I don't know why everything here tears me apart so much, it just does. Satan is such a punk- I was really mad at him last night.

Today was fun. The Littles were out of school, so for the ones that weren't room grounded we tried to just get them out of the house. I got to take 3 girls to downtown Denver to this outdoor mall, and some of the other girls went iceblocking. I was a Little nervous becuase it was my first time to take Littles off property by myself, much less to downtown Denver, with 3 girls that I did't really have a relationship with. But they were so good. They are always a million time better one-on-one or in small groups. Even though there was no deep relationship building today, I am trusting that as over time we get to do things with the girls and serve them in different ways they'll come to see us as people and decide they might want to get to know us.

I had a great realization yesterday afternoon....... I'm not supposed to be friends with the Littles. I am supposed to love and serve them, but not be their friend. The Bigs and staff are for that. Not the Littles. And that may seem like a no-brainer, but its really hard to tell that to insecure emotions that desire for the girl's approval and friendship. But that's not my role. And really in just being here and being consistent and taking the opportunities the Lord provides and speaking truth He can use me perfectly. And as much as it may feel like it, this doesn't require being their friends. I guess its kinda like being a parent.

Tomorrow is our first day of LeadTime class. Yay!