Christmas Break

The Blackmon family Christmas. It was great to be at home with my family- to get to rest and enjoy all the things I love about them as well as some tasty mom-cooked food.


With Ally and Sis. Ally and her husband came over for Christmas. As did my aunt and the Mendekes. It was fun to have people over at the house and get to spend time with friends.


Me and my man Justus. I got to spend a few days in College Station hanging out with old friends (and lots of children). This time was full and extremely encouraging.


Breakfast with friends from TAMS. Rachel, Ryan, and David.

Catch up on Littles

Christmas Party in the girl's house


I'm sorry for slacking on updates this month.

Earlier this month J was sent to a different lock-down facility in California becuase the therapists here and at a local mental hospital decided that this is not the best place for her right now. I was really sad when she left, becuase I felt like she had been a little gift to me, but I know the Lord's purpose was perfect in the time she had here and where she is headed now. I have not heard from her since she left, but would love to be able to keep in contact with her.

K2 ran earlier this month and actually got away- no one heard from her for a couple weeks. But her plans of where she was goig to stay fell through and she contacted her parents and is now back at home with them. Praise the Lord that she is safe. We will definitely miss her here. Pray for her parents as they are trying to set strict boundaries and change a lot of things at home.

5 of the girl Littles who are still in the program (including M), graduated from Shelterwood Highschool right before Christmas break. Most of them are looking for jobs when they return so that they can work during school hours each morning. This should bring some big changes this semester.

One precious girl finished and graduated from the whole program. (The is the first girl to complete the program since I arrived) She is not a believer and has been very curious about the Lord and yet outwardly very opposed to him her whole time here. Please pray for her salvation- that as she remembers this place, she would see the difference of the Lord's love and turn to him.

Progress

This week has been both hard and good for my class. It was so refreshing just to be back together on Tuesday. We are one another's friends and family and community, so its encouraging to be together again after break. Things have been pretty tense with the Littles in both houses this week though, and then with losing one of our teammates, and 2 of the girls in my class going through stuff that's really hard(one almost left this week) - it's just been hard. However, we got to spend hours and hours just praying for one another this week instead of doing our normal class stuff, so that was really good. We also had fun time together on days off and suzy night- played some fun "Imagine If".

Last night I had a really fun Big-Little with J. She had 4 hours she had to work off after school in order for us to go. But she really wanted to so she started scrubbing the bathrooms right after school and worked hard until she got them all off. We went to the mall and had cinabon, sat by the big fire, got mesages in the chairs at Brookstone, and tried Bath and Body Works products. For someone who doesn't like the mall (me), it was a lot of fun. I guess the mall is ok so long as you're not shopping. :o)

I got to talk with M last night too. (she couldn't come on big-little because she has hours). She and her mom made a lot of progress over break, and as a result of this, she is ready to have real relationship with me. This is really exciting- both for her family and for me. it is scary too though. I already love her so much, even though I don't have much of a relationship with her, I know that will only grow as I get to know her better- and that's scary because it means it will hurt worse if/when she decides to quit and ignore me again. But, I trust my Jesus and know that whatever happens, he is in control and it is worth it.

Here's a praise- it looks like SJ is going to get to stay through May and complete the program. She was having ot leave for financial reasons and somehow they were able to work something out, so this is exciting.

Dropping Like Flies

So you may know that out of the total 12 people who have been part of my LeadTime class since August, two (guys) have already left. So, it has kind of become the running joke, when things are hard that we are going to "run" (a term use for when the Littles run away)- If they can run, we can too! Just pack up our stuff and leave :o) But all joking aside, life at Shelterwood is tough, and so it is a very real feeling that people often want out. Thus, before Thanksgiving break, I very seriously looked around the table at everyone in my class and told them that they all had to come back! No one else was allowed to leave! I guess that my admonition didn't work. Today is my last day off- I haven't been back to property yet, but I just got back to civilization, and in my inbox had an e-mail from my classmate Jodi saying that she wouldn't be returning...Man...I love Jodi, I wasn't super close to her, but she was a lot of fun and I know a lot of the Littles really loved her...this is probably what's best for her- I know its what she feels like she's supposed to do right now...I just don't like it. I don't like inconsistency- and to me, commitment that for whatever reason isn't followed through with, is inconsistency....Pray for her as she moves home to work through some things she's been avoiding. Pray for the Littles who have a really hard time with change and "abandonment". Pray for our class as we experience yet another loss to our family...Lord show up in this place once again.

How to Save a Life

Many of you have probably heard this popular song by the Fray. Did you know that it was written about Shelterwood? It's playing at the coffee shop right now, which is what made me think to post it.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Catch Up

Property covered in snow!

The Flatirons covered in snow!

Ok, so I apologize for my lack of posting on this blog for the last month. Now that I have a little time off, I'm going to try and make up for it.

Most of the Littles are at home for their 10 day Thanksgiving break. As they hit the half way point and things are probably very difficult for most of them, please keep them and their families in your prayers.

M's counselor, Dawn, is actually flying out to stay with her Friday to Monday, so please pray specifically for them during this time.

Its been really quiet around property the last week. There are only 3 girl Littles still here. K, K2, and J - these are the newer Littles that aren't allowed to go home yet. It's so weird to sitting in the front room of the house with maybe only one girl and no yelling! The Bigs each get 5 days of for Thanksgiving, so we're just rotating whose here and whose home for their break. We're trying to take the girls out to do something fun each day to make the time go by faster and get their minds off of being away from home. We've hung out in Denver and Boulder and Estes- watched an extreme ski movie, driven through Rocky Mountain National Park, toured the Celestial Seasonings factory, gone sledding and ice skating, and watched lots of movies and eaten out a lot. :o) However, K and K2's families came out here to visit them for yesterday and today, so they are spending time with them. Today we're having a big Thanksgiving lunch on property.

Above: K ice skating in Boulder

J is my new Little. She is 15, but seems younger because she has some learning disabilities and mild cerebral palsy. These things also make her really socially awkward, but she is precious! She was so excited when it snowed Tuesday night and Wednesday. She sledded and ice skated for the first time! Here's a picture of us with a tiny snowman we made:


Another girl little, D, was supposed to be here for break, but her parents decided to bring her home and in so doing, take her out of the program. She is now the 3rd girl Little to leave since we arrived. (AMS left a couple weeks ago after the court placed her with her Aunt and Uncle, which was a praise, and C is doing well in her new program) The constant coming and going of kids is just part of life at Shelterwood, but I am not quite used to it yet. Another little, SJ's parents will be taking her out of the program at Christmas break too. She is 18, has been here for over a year, and they just can't afford for her to stay any longer. Please be in prayer for her as she makes plans for where she will live and what she will do in 4 weeks. More than that pray that God would really cement some important truths in her heart before she has to leave.

Mom's visit

Mom flew out and visited for her birthday. She got us a little cabin in Estes park to stay out. Other that some crazy ATV riding and me pelting things with my slingshot, it was a quiet weekend in the mountains.


My childish antics

The impossible puzzle

Our little cabin

ATV extreme fun

Me and mom on our hike around Bear Lake

Narrow Roads

Narrow Roads was a spiritual retreat that took place at a little camp outside Estes Park. We took a really neat group of 12 Littles- they were fun, they did really well with a lot of quiet/contemplative time, they were very honest, and there were no boy-girl issues (which makes everything better). It was also nice to have more Bigs/staff then Littles around - this completely changed group dynamics and gave us time together too. God was clearly at work there. Just the maturity the kids showed and their honesty about hard issues was huge.


All the Littles at Narrow Roads


Jodi and M during our "easy hike". We went on an afternoon hike that proved to be longer and more difficult than expected. Jodi and M were tired and hung out together while the rest of us finished the last part of the hike.


Ashley and T on the hike. "Cool!" "Wow!"


A & SJ (roomates) at Narrow Roads. "A", who was in my small group, "doesn't believe in God". She thinks there's a higher power of some sort, but because of life experiences has decided that whatever it is, she wants nothing to do with it. Its funny because she chose to come on this "spiritual retreat" (probably mostly because other people wanted her too), but then the whole time she was there she was trying very hard to tune everything out and not really enter into it- like she's afraid of ending up believing in God again. So much so that she had to make a list of all the reasons she hates God, because she was beginning to forget and be unsure...it was obvious that although she was pretty closed off to the whole thing, a major battle was going on inside of her. "SJ" who really struggles with self hatred and feeling like she should be a boy was met by the Lord during a worship on day at the retreat and assured that he made and loves her the way she is. This is huge and I'm excited to see what will come as she embraces this truth!


Jeff, Jodi and Jason by the nice fire place in the dining hall that served us great food that we didn't have to cook or clean up!


All the bigs: Ashley, Julie, Pam, Sarah, Jason, Jeff, Jenna, Katie, Jodi, Becky


The mountains were beautiful!

Today

This morning went really smoothly- there were a lot of tears, but no mass chaos, which is amazing. We already greatly miss C but are trusting our perfect Father with her. Pray for brokeness rather than bitterness and hardness as her life is turned upside down again. It is wierd to think how hard it is to see one of the Littles go after only a couple months. I can't imagine what it will be like at the end of this year. This place is always changing.... C is gone and K2 has arrived and is in her old room and life moves on. I think one neat opportunity in this is it makes all the girls aware of how unstable their lives really are and just causes them to think about life and what matters and is lasting- pray God would enter into those thoughts.

Today we finished planning our Narrow Roads retreat that we are leaving for next Monday. We'll spend Monday through Wednesday afternoon at a retreat center in Estes Park with our whole LeadTime class and 12 Littles. I'm very excited for this time. This afternoon we invited the Littles we wanted to be a part of it to go . There are a few who are still unsure if this is something they want to do- pray that God would bring the perfect ones ready to meet with him next week.

This morning began something new for the girl bigs- after breakfast when the kids go off to school each morning we are going to eat and clean up together and spend time in prayer together before class starts. I am so excited about this. Pray that we would really be faithful to do this as I know it will be opposed.

Guess what? Tonight I finally had good time with M! Praise God! After talking to her Friday and just trying to be more intentional in loving and pursuing her since then, she finally let down the wall and interacted with me tonight, so I capitalized on the opportunity and spent time with her in her room after beds. It was good- AND out of nowhere (although she said she'd wanted to ask me for a long time?) she asked me if I wanted to read through "The Purpose Driven Life" with her! Wow- wahooo! I know the walls may all be up again tomorrow, but I am hoping and praying for more and am excited at what could be ahead.

The Morrocco Team arrived home safely and will be sharing with us this week. We are praying for all that they have to sort through as they return, and that one of them will want to be our new night duty person. Speaking of which, Liana, our old night duty person just found out that on top of all the other drama in her life, she has a hereditary brain and muscle degenerative disease that is goign to kill her. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

Sickness

There seems to be a virus spreading around the girls house. A few of the girls have it already, and it is not fun - especially since they don't have mommies here to care for them. Please pray for quick healing and for us to be sympathetic and able to care for and comfort the girls.

A Full Saturday

This morning we took the girls to help with a yard work day the Senior Center was hosting. This means we raked lots of leaves for 4 hours at homes in an elderly community. The girls had to get up early and this was a lot of work, but they did great. i was really proud of their attitudes and the work they did. After we got back from work project and had lunch I went to the insanely busy Walmart with one of the Littles to pick up all the Walmart requests for the week and then we got to go work in the preschool at our church. Then a stop to buy pumpkins and back to property to set up for house night where we carved pumpkins, made caramel apples, popcorn balls, and apple cider. It was a lot of fun. But I am worn out.

The Morroco missions team (from the last LeadTime class) was supposed to arrive back in Denver tonight but because of some French airline flight is stuck. Hopefully they'll make it back tomorrow. Please pray for them as they re-enter life here and get over sickness and just weariness. They will be sharing with us in class next week.

The lady who was doing our overnight duty got fired. This means we've been taking turns sleeping in the front room of the house. Pray for a quick replacement- we're hoping one of the old Bigs returning from Morroco might be interested.

I talked to M last night. she wasn't responsive, but it was good for me just to tell her where I am at and communicate again my desire for relationship with her. Pray that I would love fully and not hold back.

C leaves Monday morning- here mom as well as an escort service are coming to get her and take her to the state program she is moving into. Please pray for her last day here tomorrow, for the chaos of Monday morning, and for C as she transitions. Its hard to see her go- She's been here a year and is known and is loved here - its hard to imagine moving being good for her (especially since she's been moved around her whole life) but we trust God has the perfect place prepared for her to draw her to himself more... anyways this is oging to be a rough day/week, so please pray.

In search of a friend?

I think I've shared several times what an awesome community I have here. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But there's something I miss- having "my friend". Someone I can do anything and nothing with, that I know and knows me and I share everything with, the one person I always go to....A community of people is awesome, but I would really like to have that one-person. Jesus had the tweleve but also something special with Peter James and John. Please pray that my heart and motives would be pure in this and not seeking to fill personal lonliness with a person rather than the Lord. And pray for my patience and willing to offer myself to others while waiting for his provision.

First snow in Westminster

I am currently at Caribou- my favorite coffee shop (loved for its free Wi-Fi and proximity to property)and this is the view outside the window. Its snowing! What a fun way to end parent's weekend- the weather has been beautiful the last 2 days and now we get snow. This has been a really special weekend. To see the nervousness and excitement- some blowouts but people moving past them, to get deeper insight into what these kids are coming from. One of my highlights of the weekend was getting to take a few older sisters (college/post college) out to coffee. Just to hear a little of their stories/hearts -I had never really considered how much they were affected by their siblings. Other things I've done this weekend - I went to lunch with M's parents. I was expecting it to be really awkward after eating dinner at their table on Friday night, but it ended up being really good. He is a doctor and she is a nurse and they are both pretty serious and well-put-together, but I really enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know more about them. I survived entertainment night on Saturday night, which I was kind of in charge of. I had my doubts, but it turned out pretty well. I spent a lot of time cooking and cleaning up- we fed 180 people some gourmet meals. This morning we have an on property worship service and family share time. I'm excited to hear ways the Lord has moved in families this weekend. It's been great getting a bigger picture of this ministry, all that it impacts, and what it is really about.

Psalm 118

Let those who fear the Lord say, "His lovingkindness is everlasting."
From my distress I called upon the Lord.
The Lord answered me and set me in a large place.
The Lord is for me, I will not fear;
What can man do to me?
The Lord is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall look with satisfaction on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
You pushed me violently so that I was falling,
But the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song.
And he has become my salvation.
I shall not die, but live, and tell the works of the Lord.
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.

Upcoming Events

So, parents/family weekend is coming quickly around the corner. It will take place Oct 18-21st and is a time for parents to visit their children here, get to know staff, attend helpful training and seminars, do family counseling, etc. This is a really big deal and many of the Littles are already both excited and apprehensive. I've been told (and have already started to notice) that as it approaches the Littles get heightened and nervous and as a result daily life is a little more stressful and they do more stupid things. I'm looking forward just to meeting families and getting more insight into where the Littles come from. Please be in prayer for healing and reconciliation as this weekend approaches as well as all the planning and preparation that remains.

Also, today we started praying about and planning a "spiritual retreat" that we will take 10 Littles on the first week of November. We want to keep it very simple, n ot high energy and flashy, but just basic- taking a look at who is God really, how can I know him? Maybe stemming from Psalm 46 the theme of "Be still and know that I am God". We hope to spend time in small groups so that we can share personal testimony of who God has been in our lives and help the Littles spend time alone seeking after him. Anyways, please pray as we plan this and choose which Littles will go - It's going to be an awesome focused opportunity to see God move.

Estes Park Birthday Extravaganza

After class Friday morning, Mary and I packed up and headed 1 & 1/2 hours West to camp in Estes Park. The drive was beautiful as was Estes Park on arrival. We pitched a tent at a KAO camp ground and then spent the afternoon walking around the downtown shops. We had dinner at a pizza place along the river walk, bought some necessary camping items (S'more ingredients and firewood) and then watched Bourne Ultimatum at a local theatre before returning to camp for fire time. It was really cold Friday night, so sleep was a bit limited, but that's what happens when you go camping in Colorado. Thankfully I had my new snow boots and silk thermals from my parents to sleep in. :o) We spent Saturday hiking and driving in Rocky Mountain National Park (it just happened to be "free day") . We saw lots of elk and even got snowed on. Saturday afternoon we drove back to Boulder and spent the evening downtown there. Downtown Boulder is probably one of the most interesting places to people watch ever - there are people from all walks of life and lots of street performers. Sunday morning we had a picnic outside of Starbucks, went to church, had lunch and chilled at the park until time to go to the airport. However we underestimated security and Mary didn't make her flight. So we had dinner with Ashley and then Mary stayed the Clark's before going back to the airport to catch an early flight out the next morning. When I went back to property Sunday night for our girl Bigs meeting, they had made a cake and had balloons and some fun little gifts for me. So I busted out my "party in a box" from the Murrays, complete with party hats, candy, party blowers, etc. It was great. "M" had even got me a little birthday present.
Yay for birthday weekends and time off and friends and the beautiful mountains!

A few Pictures

Jodi, Ashley, Pam, Becky


My LeadTime Class at Corn Maze on Doulos Day


Girl Bigs and House Staff on "Red Day" of Color Week

Marriage

This has been a theme the past couple of days, here are a few that you can be in prayer for.

-One LeadTimer, Josh and his wife. They have only been married about 7 months. She has yet to get a job since they moved here for the program. Finances are tight and there is lots of stress on the marriage. He left early yesterday and did not come in today. Pray the Lord would move mightily and enable Josh to lead his wife in truth.

-Another LeadTimer, Jeff just went back to Texas to get his wife and move all their stuff up here now that their house sold. However they have had U-Haul issues and so are a few days late getting back. Please pray for safe travel and adjustment to the new shape their married life will take on here.

-Our over night staff for the girl's house, Liana, is really struggling in her marriage and getting to the point of giving up. She knows the things she needs to do but just doesn't think its worth it. She know the Lord so pray he would unite them and hold them together for his purposes.

The Helmet

So, yesterday during our Bigs meeting - we do this every Thursday, all the Bigs and staff meet together just to connect with one another- I was bequeathed "the helmet". Every week the helmet is passed on to a different staff to recognize and affirm them in who they are and what they've been doing. Different people recognize you in front of the group and then everyone writes a little note for you too. It was pretty sweet to receive this. It feels undeserved, but was good just for making me feel loved and beautiful in who God has made me to be and what he has me in this place for. Thanks Lord!

So on another note, kind of connected to this, I got to talk to M's counselor again yesterday. We were just discussing the block M has with me and how a lot of that stems from me reminding her of her mom. In this, her counselor said that as she had listened to people describe me when I was awarded the helmet she had seen that if people were to describe M's mom, they would most likely say very similar things - everyone thinks she's great. So why wouldn't M like her? It has a lot to do with feeling unable to live up to the expectations of someone who is "good at everything". So this is kind of a weird thing to write about myself because it seems prideful, but I'm striving for honesty. I know how many things I am not good at, but I also know I've heard this line my whole life, "You are just good at everything". And as I look back at my life from the time when I was really young, there are very few times I ever really dealt with failure. How has this impacted me and others? I'm trying to figure it out. I think its built into me this reliance on my performance to prove/find my worth. And with this comes a great fear of failure. That's one reason why working at the daycare was so hard and why this year with the certainty and yet freedom of failing is hard, but much needed for me. How has this impacted others- I think it builds walls. My lack of vulnerability (due to fear of failure) combined with others perception of not being able to live up to expectations make quite a wall... I don't know, I'm really just thinking through this as I'm typing. If you have any insight or personal examples for me please share.

Captivating Ch. 3

We're also studying "Captivating". This week I've read and been thinking about how as a result of the fall the vulnerability and beauty gifted to women has been marred and replaced with a curse of loneliness, desire for control, and living under male dominance. Every woman is asking "Am I lovely?" and seeking to protect herself either through dominating and controlling, or being desolate and hiding. She then fulfills her hearts longings through little addictions and indulgences and quiet the longings temporarily but really only serve to separate her from her heart and fail to resolve the deeper issues. In this I've seen my more clearly my own fear of others and doubt that I'm worth paying attention to. This results in me hiding my true self and only offering what is wanted, not speaking up, busying myself, basic self protection. So obviously, living here has faced me to deal with these things day in and out as I am rejected and misunderstood. But I praise God, because even as I clearly see my struggle I see a lot of change and victory that the Lord has brought me to. From sharing when my heart is burdened with something in class even though it might be uncomfortable, to getting to know a homeless person in Boulder, to confronting Littles when I know how they will react...I see his growth and this is exciting! Though I have so far to go, I know He is moving me forward.