Parents' Weekend

Thursday evening through Sunday afternoon our property was flooded with nervous and excited and broken families coming to spend time with their children that they have had to send away from home. They came hoping for a good visit, for minimal fighting, for new growth in communication, for connection to other families, for teaching and tools from the counselors to use in working on themselves and their families. There were, as always different tensions and rough points throughout the weekend, but as these were worked through, all of these hopes are accomplished. It was funny on Thursday to watch the girls dress up and nervously pace in the house peering out the windows waiting for their parents to arrive. No matter how much they say they dislike their parents, they are running to see them when they arrive. This parent's weekend was such an encouragement and a blessing. It is refreshing to be reminded what this ministry is really all about. God is at work in whole families, we just don't normally get to see that side of things. It is also great to hear from people that they are thankful for the ministry and for the work we are doing every day. We don't normally hear that. The best part is just seeing broken people/families being honest in their struggle and being changed by God. The first father to share at the end of the weekend during our "family share time", was this really big, strong guy with 3 really big, athletic sons. He went up to the microphone and shared how he's realized that although God's love is unconditional, he (the father) normally gives conditional love to his family. He apologized for this and with tears shared his desire to change. It was beautiful. And then one by one at least someone from each family got up to share things just as wonderful. Praise God! For most of these parents, it is a daily struggle to do what they know is needed and is right and to leave their child in our program- please pray that the parents would learn and stay strong in tough love.

Change of Dynamics

What a wonderful week it has been! I don't think I can accurately describe the change that has occured within the girl's house. There has been practically no drama, and everyone has been getting along. It is so fun to see the girls that are left all interact positively together. This weekend the girls all changed rooms. Both "M" and "EM" have their own room now. This weekend the girls also spent time thinking up and filming silly videos (see below). They worked together and used their creativity, and really had fun. What a pleasure. It is also really exciting to see some of the girls who know the Lord desire and take steps to grow in their faith more than ever. This is just a really sweet period of time. Its funny because I feel like a few weeks back all of the girl Bigs were really drained and wondering if that was going to last and just get wose for the rest of the year- but being drained has turned to being refreshed. It's really nice to sometimes be able to just sit in the front room of the girls' house and read or work on projects or talk with each other, beacause we aren't having to run all over the place non-stop chasing or doing things for the Littles. And this should continue for the remainder of the year becuase the ministry is moving to Kansas City in September and not planning on bringing in many more Littles before then.

Gotta love it

Here are some fun pictures of the girls, posed and in costume from making their fun videos this weekend.

The gangsta video


The caveman video

Fun with Katie

Here are a few pictures from my wonderful visit with Katie during my break.

The Waterfall behind Glen Eerie


Tea at the castle


Garden of the gods

Pure In Heart

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

Lord reveal my heart. Get rid of allthat does not please you. Make it pure. I want to see you!

Breaking, and Break

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try wipe the tears from my eyes

I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past
Every time there's another storm I know that it wont last
Every moment I'm filled with hope
cause i get another chance
But I will try I will try
Got nothing left to hide

Does anyone like being broken? I hate it. Its hard. And it hurts. And I don't like it. It makes me wanna run away- not that that would really help, but its just not fun and there's really no way to fix it, so my mind says, just run away. But as much as it sucks to be broken, at least its real.... and in the dying, somewhere, there is hope of real life. Do you know what I'm talking about? LeadTime has the capacity to daily strip you of everything you think you have, to break you over and over of any inclination of self sufficiency or ability, and to leave you very aware of how totally far short you fall in every way. And then, from this place of brokenness and the death of self, Christ offers healing and life and beckons you to step out once again- with shaky steps, but on a firm foundation. It sucks, but its really real, and there is hope.

"Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others by what the world thinks about them. Once I mistakenly thought of Christ that way, as though he were merely a human being. How differently I think about him now! What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun! " 2 Cor 5:14-17 NLT

This week (March 21-30) is Spring Break. Most of the Littles spend 10 days at home with their families and we plan different activities each day for the ones who stay here, since there is no school or normal activities. Break is fun, because there are less girls and we're able to spend more time just hanging out with them- watching movies, playing extreme spoons, going snowboarding...so this is really fun at times. But by the same token, the lack of a schedule and the long hours with fewer staff around can get really tiring really fast. Especially when the Littles who are here don't care about consequences and are set on doing whatever they want and not doing whatever is asked of them. I get a 5 day break though from the 26-30th. I'm staying here in Colorado just planning to rest some and spend time with my friend Katie who is flying out to visit for a few days.

Week 31

The house seems so quiet this week. We are down to only 9 girl Littles. In addition to losing the 2 girls that graduated on Monday (please pray for them as they were really nervous about returning home to normal life and temptations there), another little "G", ran on Friday and then her family ended up pulling her from the program. This has been really hard for me. I love her dearly and so miss hanging out with her (it feels like our time was so short). I also know that "G" is returning to a really bad environment. Her family needs a lot of help, but is unwilling to receive it right now. Pray for God to intervene, break their pride, and most of all to pursue and protect "G" in this environment. It was really encouraging to praise God for the work he did over the last 10 months with the 2 girls that just graduated. He has made incredible changes and even though they are nervous about leaving, they are totally ready and so it is really exciting to see them go and to look forward to seeing what God does with them from here.

"M" left early this morning to go home for break. She will be there until next Thursday. Please pray for her as well as the other 4 girls who will be leaving on Friday and returning the 31st. Pray for peace and reconciliation in their homes.

Continue to pray for "A". She turns 18 on April 1st and is planning to pull herself from the program then. She doesn't want to seek the Lord about this decision right now she says because she knows he would tell her to stay and she doesn't want to. "A" has always had a really hard time with any authority in her life and so this will definitely be something to work through in her new faith.

"EM" Had a cool moment this week where she was vulnerable in front of and apologized to the whole girls house. I was so proud of her.

A couple of blessings:
-I got to spend a lot of time while I was off this weekend with my old roommate, Julie, which was really good. She also got to come back to property for the girls graduation on Monday. Continue to pray for her as she looks for community and direction outside of here.
-We had Doulos Day on Tuesday and got to go out to a nice breakfast and then go ice-skating with the staff. It is really great that we get opportunities to do things like this together every month.
-After a few really refreshing weeks, I think the Lord is taking me back into the breaking place again. Although difficult, this is worth it, because it means knowing my Savior in a more and intimate way.

A Fun Week

The girls' house


4 of the girls "Raptor Running" at the park Saturday


What a week it has been. There has been a ton of chaos amidst the girls. 5 of them are room grounded for various major offenses and 2 of them are just frustrated with life in general because they are graduating and leaving the program on Monday. Despite all the craziness that has surrounded these and other events, I have had a really great week. Praise the Lord! I have continued to be able to serve out of a place of joy and freedom and really enjoy and love the girls. Lots of good conversations and fun times this week.

Please begin to pray for next Friday, the day that most of the kids will head home for their 10 day Spring Break. There is always lots of excitement and nervousness with going home. Pray especially for my little, "M" - her counselor is not sure yet if things are good enough at home for her to spend the break there.

One huge praise is that my relationship with my little, "EM", really turned a corner this week. Last Wednesday I was asking her what she desired in relationship and how I could better approach her because she has constantly been upset with and just mean toward me most of the time she has been here. On Friday night I got to spend time hanging out with her and she told me that she didn't really have answers to my questions, but that she just basically had needed to open her heart and give me a chance! I believe the Lord truly did a work in her heart and it has been so nice to be able to have fun with and enjoy her since then. However she did get another drug offense this week (her 3rd one) which means that she still has consequences out the wazoo- at the minimum she will be property grounded for the next 3 months...I am truly praying that she would just stop making stupid choices.

"A" has had a really hectic week. While serving a different offense, she got a drug offense this week, then found out that if she pulls herself from the program on April 1st when she turns 18 (like she was planning) her parents will not support her at all- and they are not bringing her home for Spring Break. On top of this, she didn't finish some community service assigned by the court for a ticket earlier in the year and then missed court and so when the police came to property for something else involving her yesterday, she gotten taken in to the police station and then ordered to return to court today. All that to say that she is somewhat of a wreck. Please pray that she would drop her pride and run to the Lord in the midst of all this.

Things are still really good with "G". I am able to share often with her about the Lord and we often sing worship songs together. I am sad though, because "G" had another girl punch her in the face earlier this week as a form of self-harm. My heart breaks for this girl- she has experienced so much hurt. Pray that she would know and experience the deep love of our heavenly Father.

I'm looking forward to having this weekend off- just as time to rest a little.
Thanks for joining me in the fight for our Father's Kingdom in this place!

Lean not on your own understanding

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make you paths straight.

Proverbs 20:24
A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?

These verses have definitely been the theme for life the last few weeks. I always love to understand and figure our everything and have everyone understand me. The Lord is in a lot of ways trying to break me of this. But how good it is - how much better to trust his perfect leading than to try and figure out someithing impossible for me to really know anyways!

Littles

A, is a girl Little who I shared about a long time ago. She was in my small group during the spiritual retreat we took some of the Littles on last year and was fighting against the Lord really hard then. She has continued to fight him and shut him out since then, until she went on the Mexico trip over beyond week and finally decided to give her life to him! Praise God!! This is a long awaited answer to prayer. A, seems to be afraid of telling others about her decision though- so please just pray for God to really speak truth and give her confidence in Him and this decision.

M's mom did not come visit and she didn't even end up getting to have any phone calls with her. I'm not really sure what is going on at home, but things do not seem to be moving in a positive direction. M was considering moving home when she graduated before, and now her counselor does not want to send her home at all. Continue to pray for restored relationship. Also, M feels very alone and unknown right now, because E was the one Little here that really knew her, and now she is gone. Pray that the Lord would comfort her and keep her from shutting down and sitting in depression.

My other Little, EM, is continuing to rack up the offenses and the hours. She is really rebellious and can be difficult to know how to relate to, discipline, and love. Pray that I would have patience and persistence with her and continue to pursue in the midst of rejection. Sometimes this is so hard. And mostly just pray that the Lord would soften her heart and change her. I heard her tell another Little the other day (seriously) that she should pray about something difficult that she was dealing with and she seems to like going to church now, where as she was opposed when she first got here. I don't know the motives behind either of these things, but am hoping for the best and for the Lord to just work.

Before leaving for outpost I had been asking often that the Lord would show me how to love the Littles like he does and at times fighting against getting bitter towards them. I still need prayer for this, but I have really seen His answer the last few days. It is really good! I have especially been able to connect with G. She is one of the new girls who came in January and is probably the first Little my whole time here that I feel totally comfortable hanging out with anytime, who consistently really lets me in and lets me love her and really feels like a friend. This is so refreshing. I am very thankful that God has given me this connection with her- please pray he would use it for his glory.


Also, there are 2 girl Littles graduating in 2 weeks. (One who loves God and is really growing and one who is still resisting Him) This means big transitions for these girls. Pray for the Lord to prepare there hearts exactly as they need in their last weeks here.

Outpost

Beyond Shelterwood Week was amazing. There were good reports from all 3 groups. The really unique thing about this week is that as all 3 groups did something different than the normal routine the Big/Little status was taken away; everyone stepped up and it was more like everyone was equals. No matter who I talk to, everyone seemed to have a really good time. The Littles on Outpost did an awesome job. I was so impressed! It was a physically and emotionally difficult trip, but they were so strong. It was great for them to realize their own ability to survive way out of their comfort zone.While on outpost I was having difficulty just surviving the elements physically and was not nearly as faithful spiritually as I wanted to be. It made me so thankful to know that in times where I'm not able to pray or do the work I would like I have you all praying and doing it for me. What a blessing!

One of the 3 girls on outpost, E, found out the night we returned that her parents were pulling her out of Shelterwood the next morning. So she is home now. This is sad, because it would have been really good for her to finish the program. She was really just beginning to make some breakthroughs. I'm glad I got to spend the last week with her - pray that the Lord would give her extra strength as she begins life at home and that she would continue to believe her worth as a child of God.

The beautiful view

Our group

Hiking

Jenna and E and Tenzing- our mountain pup

Trying to destroy the snowcave

Inside the awesome snowcave

Mountain women

Camp

Parents Weekend

The Whole Gang


I think they were cold



What a blessing to get to spend time with my wonderful parents and have them share in and support what we're doing out here! We had a few adventures- fixing my car, finding snow, visiting the aquarium....and of course we ate good food like steak and valentine's cookies.

A bad day

I don't really know how to just type words about this. My roommate, Julie, was asked to leave the LeadTime program yesterday. The leadership thinks it would be best for her right now, because she is dealing with so much heavy personal stuff and this place can be really difficult; they think she would be safer and better able to find healing somewhere else. It's pretty hard to know what to do with this- yesterday evening after we found out we just kept cycling between tears, and anger, and laughter. Her parents are here for parents weekend- so that's good I guess- just that they can encourage and suppport her. But this was just sprung on all of us, so please just pray for us and the Littles in dealing with this huge loss. And of course pray for Julie as she battles a lot of lies and tries to discern where she is supposed to live and what she is supposed to do now that she cannot be here.

Gray's Peak

This is the fourteener that I will be hiking in a week and a half!

Jenna

Please pray for my classmate Jenna. She found out last night that Jason, her camp director who is like a 2nd father to her, passed away suddenly on Sunday. Jason was only 33 and has a wife, Joy, and a 4 month old daughter, Abigail. Jenna flew out this morning to go home for the funeral. Please just pray for comfort and grace and protection over her and Jason's family during this time.

A difficult choice

Today I choose to follow You
Today I choose to give my 'yes' to You
Today I choose to hear Your voice and live
Today I choose to follow You

As for me and my house
We will serve You
As for me and my house
We will spend our lives on You
Wonderful Counseler, Everlasting Father
Eternal King, Lord of hosts
Willingly we follow

Today I choose to follow You
Today I choose to give my 'yes' to You
Today I choose to hear Your voice and live
Today I choose to follow You

Life Stories

The 4 newest girl littles each gave their life story to the whole girls' house last week. It is hard to know what to say about these. The hurt and pain and need in all of these girls runs so deep- some as a consequence of their own choices and some just due to what life has thrown at them. Out of the 4, 2 really could see their hurt and need and desire healing (G an K) and 2 have still fooled themselves into thinking they're ok and don't really need anything (EM and C). I guess listening to their stories kind of raise up 3 things in me. One is a desire for Christ to come back and put an end to this fallen messed up and yucky world. Also just the realization that there is no way I could possibly help or bring change to these girls - the problem is way to big and Jesus really is their only hope. And last, even though I can't change them, I really want the Lord to teach me how to love them like Him, that with His love he can change them. "I don't know how to be a love like that." To see them as He does and to remember when these girls are throwing up all kinds of rebellion and hatred and other smokescreens, that under it is a history and a lot of hurt.

Surely We Can Change by David Crowder

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love Who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Oh, surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

Sneaky Sneaky

So, the staff realized a couple days ago that some guys had probably been sneaking out of the house at night through the floor of the laundry room and under the house. So last night they totally set the guys up- puposefully left the laundry room unlocked, told them that the night duty guy wasn't coming in so they needed to settle down quickly and get to sleep, etc... and then waited for them outside. They caught 4 of the sneaky rats coming out of their underground escape! Haha, victory! We also caught girls out of thier room last night trying to pick to lock to the office in the girls house. Double victory! :o) These stories are a lot better told in person, but the point of it is that it feels good sometimes to catch them in their stupidity and sneakyness. Haha, from working here I have fine tuned what we like to call the "shadar" - the radar for shadiness.

Psalm 34

I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips...
I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing...
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Praise

I had asked prayer a while back for my new little, "EM". She is really doing well; she is a ton of fun and I really enjoy her. The big answer to prayer is that earlier this week, the other 2 newest Littles "ran" from property. They wanted "EM" to come with them, but she decided not to. This is huge! I am so proud of her. As I had specifically asked for prayer apprehensive that she would try to run soon, I see the fact that she chose not to as a total answer to prayer. So thanks!