Lead me on Lord

House Trip

2008-09-01T17:46:00.004-06:00

We spent a week camping in the Grand Teton National Park - hiking, visiting Yellowstone, campfires, sleeping under the stars - lots of fun

The beautiful Tetons!

We also spent a week with Desi and her family in Idaho. Who ever knew Idaho was so beautiful? We picked and canned green beans, four-wheeled, went cliff jumping, and just enjoyed farm life.

Graduation Ceremony

2008-08-07T15:12:00.000-06:00

A special day to remember and celebrate our year

Jeff, Pam, Becky

Jessi, Book, Jenny - The women who have taught me so much this year

Leadtime Ladies

Clouds

2008-07-29T19:17:00.007-06:00

Nahum 1:3
The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet.

Luke 1:7
Look, he is coming with the clouds, and every eye will see him, even those who pierced him; and all the peoples of the earth will mourn because of him. So shall it be! Amen.

Mark 9:7-8
Then a cloud appeared and enveloped them, and a voice came from the cloud: "This is my Son, whom I love. Listen to him!" Suddenly, when they looked around, they no longer saw anyone with them except Jesus.

Today's "My Utmost for His Highest" is about clouds.
In the Bible clouds are always associated with God. Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith. If there were never any clouds in our lives, we would have no faith. "The clouds are the dust of His feet" They are a sign that God is there. What a revelation it is to know that sorrow, bereavement, and suffering are actually the clouds that come along with God!

In the clouds, where we can't see anything else, we have the opportunity to see our Jesus. What a sweet thing!

Some TSTL hypeness :o)

2008-07-17T18:16:00.003-06:00

The video is a little blurry, but it gives you the idea.

Not ourselves, but CHRIST

2008-07-16T17:08:00.003-06:00

2 Cor 4:5-7,13
For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said "Light shall shine out of darkness," is the One who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the surpassing greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves...Having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written 'I believed therefore I spoke,' we also believe and therefore we speak.

Isn't this awesome! What much needed confidence it brings to me!

Hudson Taylor

2008-07-13T23:19:00.003-06:00

I have lately been listening to a reading of the book "Hudson Taylor's Spiritual Secret" - the title is a bit misleading, because the book isn't really about a secret of any sort. It is simply a biography of Taylor's life and calling as a missionary to China. It is awesome to hear of this man's faith and God's work through him to draw many to Christ.

If you want, you can download the mp3 files at the link below. I would highly recommend it.

http://lampfordarktimes.blogspot.com/2007/10/audio-book-hudson-taylors-spiritual.html

Lookout Bryan, Texas - here I come

2008-07-12T11:14:00.002-06:00

Here it is: the official announcement. No more maybe or might or possibly.
I will, Lord willing, be moving back to Bryan, Texas in September after I finish LeadTime. Yay! I have known this for quite some time, but have just been a little afraid to say it as a certainty - and although still a little crazy to say for sure, it is exciting to share this news with you. I will definitely miss Colorado but am excited to once again be near many dear friends. There are many things the Lord is stirring in my heart that are bringing me back to Bryan, and so although LeadTime is not finished, whenever you remember me please also pray for my preparation to return to Bryan.

"Enlarge the place of your tent; stretch out the curtains of your dwelling, spare not; lengthen your cords and strengthen your pegs. For you will spread broad to the right and to the left. And your descendants will possess nations, And they will resettle the desolate cities....And all your sons will be taught by the Lord, and the well-being of your sons will be great. In righteousness you will be established...No weapon that is formed against you will prosper...This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord." Isaiah 54

Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

2008-07-11T20:18:00.003-06:00

G-1 girls on parents day

The first term (2 weeks) of camp just finished. There are a lot of fun moments and the Lord definitely worked in mighty ways - 3 girls in G1 became Christians and the transforming love of Christ had a huge impact on all of the kids at camp. One of my favorite moments from camp occurred during a "SKIT-SKIT-SKIT" one morning. The skit was a game show and the host was giving all these great prizes away to the contestants - trips and shopping sprees and cars...but as he offered them he mumbled that they could choose the prize or...mumble,mumble, mumble. The first 2 excited contestants chose the prize offered, only for the host to reveal that they got to take these with them straight to hell - and then these huge scary dudes came in and took away the contestant. The last contestant however wanted to know what the host was mumbling about and after much questioning found out that she had to either choose the incredible prize or her walk with Jesus Christ. At this point, when she realized what 2 things were being offered and was deciding which to take, the whole room exploded with little children chanting "Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!".... I can't describe what a beautiful sound this was. It brought tears to my eyes. There truly is no sweeter name than the name of Jesus and what a testament to him that these simple children, whose lives offer little opportunity to know much of Christ, know His goodness and that he really is better than anything else this world could offer.

Retreat

2008-07-10T22:00:00.004-06:00

We had a 3 day LeadTime retreat this week out at a cabin by the Poudre River. What a refreshing time to just be alive, rest in God's presence, and reflect on who He is. Our wonderful directors cooked great food for us and provided neat opportunities to be alone, play together, and share together God's work in us. It was sweet.

-I just remembered a funny story and wanted to add it to this post. While hiking, I spent about 20 minutes walking at the end of the line behind Jason, and during this time, filled up his whole backpack with rocks- one at a time - without him noticing. He carried them to the end of the hike where he finally found them and was quite bewildered. It was funny :o) -

Fourth of July

2008-07-10T21:41:00.003-06:00

Katie dunking one of the Littles at our pool party/BBQ with the girls

Pam and one of the Littles dancing while we wait for the fireworks

While laying outside on this beautiful 4th of July evening watching these fireworks, the song "What a Wonderful World" played in the background. I know this world is fallen, full of hurt and sin, and I am ready for Jesus to come back - but there are moments where in the midst of all that God is so wonderful to me and I wonder how on earth I am so incredibly blessed.

New Friends! (TSTL)

2008-07-03T22:38:00.002-06:00

The Sky's The Limit (TSTL) is a ministry of Doulos that provides a christian summer camp for urban youth and at the same time trains young adults by giving them an opportunity to be leaders at the camp. Since I really love children and urban ministry I have been given the great opportunity of working with TSTL (which is not the LeadTime norm).
I have lots of new friends - fellow counselors at camp as well as these precious kids. They are so much fun! Our theme for the summer is "Transformed" - all the 1st graders in G-1 (my group this week) learned Romans 12:2 really well and are super cute saying it. Camp is physically exhausting- especially when followed by an evening with the Littles, but I love it. It is challenging being in an environment that is not my norm and being an "outsider", but I want to learn from this, and overall the staff have done a great job of helping me be a part and feel welcomed.It's crazy to see teens many younger than our Shelterwood kids and many with even rougher pasts working hard, serving, and sharing the love of Christ with these little kids - what a blessing!

Keep Recognizing Jesus

2008-06-20T23:30:00.002-06:00

This is a "My Utmost For His Highest" entry from a few days ago- I hope it challenges you like it did me.

Peter . . . walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid . . . —Matthew 14:29-30

The wind really was boisterous and the waves really were high, but Peter didn’t see them at first. He didn’t consider them at all; he simply recognized his Lord, stepped out in recognition of Him, and "walked on the water." Then he began to take those things around him into account, and instantly, down he went. Why couldn’t our Lord have enabled him to walk at the bottom of the waves, as well as on top of them? He could have, yet neither could be done without Peter’s continuing recognition of the Lord Jesus.

We step right out with recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go. If you are truly recognizing your Lord, you have no business being concerned about how and where He engineers your circumstances. The things surrounding you are real, but when you look at them you are immediately overwhelmed, and even unable to recognize Jesus. Then comes His rebuke, ". . . why did you doubt?" ( Matthew 14:31 ). Let your actual circumstances be what they may, but keep recognizing Jesus, maintaining complete reliance upon Him.

If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you. Never start to say, "Well, I wonder if He really did speak to me?" Be reckless immediately— totally unrestrained and willing to risk everything— by casting your all upon Him. You do not know when His voice will come to you, but whenever the realization of God comes, even in the faintest way imaginable, be determined to recklessly abandon yourself, surrendering everything to Him. It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him. You will only recognize His voice more clearly through recklessness— being willing to risk your all.

Stealing Jesus

2008-06-15T16:22:00.002-06:00

We just started a series at church this morning entitled "Stealing Jesus". The premise of the series is that in our culture we have become so familiar with Jesus that we think we know Him when really we have no idea who He really is. His identity has been stolen, and we just know all these images of him created by the world around us. So, the point of the series is to actually take a look at Jesus' life, what he said about himself, and how he lived in hopes of getting rid of false views of Him and actually getting to know Him.
I'm excited for this study, because I have recently been reading through Luke and John, and making this same observation- that I don't know Jesus in the way I find Him there, and that I don't live like a follower of the Jesus I find there would live.

Lord, continue to challenge my faith- may I come face to face with who you really are and somehow offer that to others in this world.

New Girls

2008-06-14T08:27:00.003-06:00

So, we got two new girls last week. Please pray for "RA" and "AR"

"RA" is 16 and is here for drugs, guys, rebellion - that sort of stuff. She is a cheerleader and seems to fit the stereotype. She didn't know she was coming and is not happy to be here. She's convinced she doesn't need to be here and will be able to leave in 2 months. "RA" is my Little, "EM"'s new roommate. Please pray for both of them. "EM" really wants a friend and wants to impress, but tends to do that in negative ways. "RA" has already stolen a couple of times and seems to lie about everything. So pray for us, to catch her in her bad decisions and have wisdom in knowing how to deal with her in love.

"AR" is 13. I'm still not completely sure why she is here- I think there were just issues with her parents and boys and stealing, but its hard to see any of that yet. She mostly just seems like a little kid that is really sweet, but doesn't have the best social skills. The other girls have started having a "Toothbrush Party" all together every morning and evening, just to get her to join. "AR" is a lot easier for me, although she needs a lot of attention, she doesn't do the whole teenage "I'm way too cool for school" thing. But I'm sure we'll see some of her true colors come out as time goes on. She seems to really like Jesus - but this may be mostly because of her parents - so pray the Lord would take what is already in her and grow it deep.

A praise to go along with that, is that I got to ask a lot of questions and share a little with "Z", who is an atheist, this week. Please continue to pray for her salvation.

Lyngy

2008-06-14T08:21:00.003-06:00

Just wanted to share some fun things with you:

Melissa got a job at Sonic and will be starting today - she is pretty nervous, so please pray for her.
Melissa got her Drivers Permit yesterday. Whenever she is ready, she can go back and take her driving test for her license. This is another scary new thing.
Melissa really likes the small group Bible study we are going to. We're definitely going to continue going through the summer .
Melissa also called her mom this week, just to show her she still cares and make an attempt at relationship. This is really hard. Please pray that her heart would continue to be soft and to pursue and that her mom would respond with love.

Yay God! Yay Melissa!
Thanks for your prayers.

Words of Wisdom from the Sis

2008-06-08T18:51:00.003-06:00

I just saw this picture of my sister, from my fun visit with her in Lubbock last month. It reminded me of some wise words she gave that I thought I would share.

We were talking about marriage and how its actually scary it is to think of spending the rest of your life with and building a family with this one person - how right before it was time to get married I would probably freak out and think of a thousand questions that I wanted answers to, things I wanted to have figured out before I signed my life away- but you can never know all the answers or if the other person is being honest with you about everything, and even if they are, people change over time....to think of all those things and then think of getting married is scary... So, after talking through these things, my sister finally says,

"Yeah, but Becky, that's why marriage is a commitment"

Seems like a simple enough thought. Everyone knows this to be true, but it really is wise - in marriage you commit yourself and your relationship and your future into God's hands - with lots of uncertainties and without knowing all the answers, you commit to no matter what, work through it, because its worth it.

God compares our relationship with Him to marriage. and in the same way, when it begins we have no idea all that's ahead and all that it will require. But He's won our heart; he has our trust. For me this makes it impossible to not follow him- I can't leave Him - I'm committed.

kinda silly

2008-06-08T18:39:00.003-06:00

These pictures are from a "Joe's truck stop breakfast and bowling" Doulos Day that we had at the begining of May- that was a while ago, but it was during a long stetch of not posting anything, so I'm posting them now just for grins

Home and back for the home stretch

2008-05-30T18:08:00.002-06:00

My break at home was wonderful. I love being home and was very encouraged and blessed by everyone I got to spend time with. Fun motorcycle rides, parents who take care of you, old friends, new babies, weddings, seeing God's work - what's not to love about that? Being away from Shelterwood gave me time to dream and be excited about what might come next after August and to come back here refreshed and really excited about the last 3 months I have here. We are at a really sweet part in the year - a place of deep relationship and openness and honesty - a place where we have been through a lot of hard things that we are now reaping the benefit from - a place where we have learned much and are getting an opportunity to try and really walk these things out.

My Little Graduated!

2008-05-23T18:10:00.000-06:00

Lyngy's family

Praying over Lyngy

"M" (who I call Lyngy) has been my Little since I arrived in August; today she turned 18 and graduated the program! Way to go Lyngy! I am so proud of her for her perseverance and hard work. Her whole family came out to celebrate her graduation. I was bummed to have to miss it. God has taken a girl who was hurting, broken, confused, locked up and hiding and has shone his light into her life giving her real life and truth and hope and confidence. What an exciting transformation to see. I love this girl with my whole heart and am so thankful to know her.

Taos Trip

2008-05-21T18:02:00.002-06:00

Marcedes has trouble on the trail.

All of the girl Bigs.

Yummy campfire dinner.

Not-so-yummy campfire dinner after our cooler got stolen.

Did you know New Mexico was beuatiful?

Blending in with the locals.

Mud baths at the hot springs.

What a fun week this was. Camping at the bottom of a beautiful canyon, hiking, cooking over the campfire, lots of chill time, playing games,the hot springs, dancing Indians - it was great. The girls had such great attitudes and it was really fun time to spend together outdoors. Its really good to get away from everything and slow down the pace of life for a while. We had a "prayer partner" time every day, and I was really thankful to get to share and pray with one of the Littles during this time. God has just in the last month done a work in her causing her to desire to know Him. Anyways, this trip was a blast, and I am looking forward to getting to take another one with the girls at the end of the summer.

Goodbye Jenna :(

2008-04-28T11:38:00.003-06:00

Early yesterday morning we had to say goodbye to this beautiful friend.
Her absence will definitely be felt around this place.
Jenna is headed off to a difficult summer at the camp ministry she is so passionate about, Confrontation Point. We hate to see her go but are trusting that the Lord will use her time there as a continuation of what he has begun here.
We love you Jenna!

Pam's Midnight Birthday Awakening

2008-04-24T11:29:00.000-06:00

At first she was very confused as to what was going on

Then she really wished we would all go away so she could go back to sleep

But once she saw the ice cream she woke up a little bit :o)

Happy Birthday Pam!

Expelled

2008-04-19T14:12:00.003-06:00

I don't normally get excited about movies, but I am excited to see this movie. For those of you who majored in the sciences and have been surrounded by the squelching of God or anything contrary to Darwin's evolution, the premise of this film should be very familiar. This documentary is ready to expose the disservice that's occuring by excluding God from the scientific community.

Fear

2008-04-17T08:50:00.002-06:00

Who and what do you fear? Why?

For me its a lot of things. A lot of things I wish I didn't fear or care about. My most frequent prayer lately has been:
"Lord, please free me from fear of people, rejection, failure...Teach me to fear YOU"

He is answering it. And it is good. I want to look to and submit to and consider and please HIM in every thing and every way.

They will be my people and I will be their God; and I will give them one heart and one way, that they may fear Me always, for thier own good and for the good of their children. Jer 32:38-39

ONE heart and ONE way- Lord give me SINGLENESS of heart, that I may fear ONLY YOU

Parents' Weekend

2008-04-17T08:34:00.002-06:00

Thursday evening through Sunday afternoon our property was flooded with nervous and excited and broken families coming to spend time with their children that they have had to send away from home. They came hoping for a good visit, for minimal fighting, for new growth in communication, for connection to other families, for teaching and tools from the counselors to use in working on themselves and their families. There were, as always different tensions and rough points throughout the weekend, but as these were worked through, all of these hopes are accomplished. It was funny on Thursday to watch the girls dress up and nervously pace in the house peering out the windows waiting for their parents to arrive. No matter how much they say they dislike their parents, they are running to see them when they arrive. This parent's weekend was such an encouragement and a blessing. It is refreshing to be reminded what this ministry is really all about. God is at work in whole families, we just don't normally get to see that side of things. It is also great to hear from people that they are thankful for the ministry and for the work we are doing every day. We don't normally hear that. The best part is just seeing broken people/families being honest in their struggle and being changed by God. The first father to share at the end of the weekend during our "family share time", was this really big, strong guy with 3 really big, athletic sons. He went up to the microphone and shared how he's realized that although God's love is unconditional, he (the father) normally gives conditional love to his family. He apologized for this and with tears shared his desire to change. It was beautiful. And then one by one at least someone from each family got up to share things just as wonderful. Praise God! For most of these parents, it is a daily struggle to do what they know is needed and is right and to leave their child in our program- please pray that the parents would learn and stay strong in tough love.

Change of Dynamics

2008-04-09T20:31:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful week it has been! I don't think I can accurately describe the change that has occured within the girl's house. There has been practically no drama, and everyone has been getting along. It is so fun to see the girls that are left all interact positively together. This weekend the girls all changed rooms. Both "M" and "EM" have their own room now. This weekend the girls also spent time thinking up and filming silly videos (see below). They worked together and used their creativity, and really had fun. What a pleasure. It is also really exciting to see some of the girls who know the Lord desire and take steps to grow in their faith more than ever. This is just a really sweet period of time. Its funny because I feel like a few weeks back all of the girl Bigs were really drained and wondering if that was going to last and just get wose for the rest of the year- but being drained has turned to being refreshed. It's really nice to sometimes be able to just sit in the front room of the girls' house and read or work on projects or talk with each other, beacause we aren't having to run all over the place non-stop chasing or doing things for the Littles. And this should continue for the remainder of the year becuase the ministry is moving to Kansas City in September and not planning on bringing in many more Littles before then.

Gotta love it

2008-04-09T13:36:00.003-06:00

Here are some fun pictures of the girls, posed and in costume from making their fun videos this weekend.

The gangsta video

The caveman video

Fun with Katie

2008-03-31T13:41:00.001-06:00

Here are a few pictures from my wonderful visit with Katie during my break.

The Waterfall behind Glen Eerie

Tea at the castle

Garden of the gods

Pure In Heart

2008-03-27T13:01:00.001-06:00

"Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God."

Lord reveal my heart. Get rid of allthat does not please you. Make it pure. I want to see you!

Breaking, and Break

2008-03-24T21:32:00.004-06:00

It seems like yesterday that my world fell from the sky
It seems like yesterday I didn't know how hard I could cry
It feels like tomorrow I may not get by
But I will try
I will try wipe the tears from my eyes

I'm beautifully broken and I don't mind if you know it
I'm beautifully broken and I don't care if I show it

Every day is a new day I'm reminded of my past
Every time there's another storm I know that it wont last
Every moment I'm filled with hope
cause i get another chance
But I will try I will try
Got nothing left to hide

Does anyone like being broken? I hate it. Its hard. And it hurts. And I don't like it. It makes me wanna run away- not that that would really help, but its just not fun and there's really no way to fix it, so my mind says, just run away. But as much as it sucks to be broken, at least its real.... and in the dying, somewhere, there is hope of real life. Do you know what I'm talking about? LeadTime has the capacity to daily strip you of everything you think you have, to break you over and over of any inclination of self sufficiency or ability, and to leave you very aware of how totally far short you fall in every way. And then, from this place of brokenness and the death of self, Christ offers healing and life and beckons you to step out once again- with shaky steps, but on a firm foundation. It sucks, but its really real, and there is hope.

"Whatever we do, it is because Christ's love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for everyone, we also believe that we have all died to the old life we used to live. He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live to please themselves. Instead, they will live to please Christ, who died and was raised for them. So we have stopped evaluating others by what the world thinks about them. Once I mistakenly thought of Christ that way, as though he were merely a human being. How differently I think about him now! What this means is that those who become Christians become new persons. They are not the same anymore, for the old life is gone. A new life has begun! " 2 Cor 5:14-17 NLT

This week (March 21-30) is Spring Break. Most of the Littles spend 10 days at home with their families and we plan different activities each day for the ones who stay here, since there is no school or normal activities. Break is fun, because there are less girls and we're able to spend more time just hanging out with them- watching movies, playing extreme spoons, going snowboarding...so this is really fun at times. But by the same token, the lack of a schedule and the long hours with fewer staff around can get really tiring really fast. Especially when the Littles who are here don't care about consequences and are set on doing whatever they want and not doing whatever is asked of them. I get a 5 day break though from the 26-30th. I'm staying here in Colorado just planning to rest some and spend time with my friend Katie who is flying out to visit for a few days.

Week 31

2008-03-19T12:33:00.001-06:00

The house seems so quiet this week. We are down to only 9 girl Littles. In addition to losing the 2 girls that graduated on Monday (please pray for them as they were really nervous about returning home to normal life and temptations there), another little "G", ran on Friday and then her family ended up pulling her from the program. This has been really hard for me. I love her dearly and so miss hanging out with her (it feels like our time was so short). I also know that "G" is returning to a really bad environment. Her family needs a lot of help, but is unwilling to receive it right now. Pray for God to intervene, break their pride, and most of all to pursue and protect "G" in this environment. It was really encouraging to praise God for the work he did over the last 10 months with the 2 girls that just graduated. He has made incredible changes and even though they are nervous about leaving, they are totally ready and so it is really exciting to see them go and to look forward to seeing what God does with them from here.

"M" left early this morning to go home for break. She will be there until next Thursday. Please pray for her as well as the other 4 girls who will be leaving on Friday and returning the 31st. Pray for peace and reconciliation in their homes.

Continue to pray for "A". She turns 18 on April 1st and is planning to pull herself from the program then. She doesn't want to seek the Lord about this decision right now she says because she knows he would tell her to stay and she doesn't want to. "A" has always had a really hard time with any authority in her life and so this will definitely be something to work through in her new faith.

"EM" Had a cool moment this week where she was vulnerable in front of and apologized to the whole girls house. I was so proud of her.

A couple of blessings:
-I got to spend a lot of time while I was off this weekend with my old roommate, Julie, which was really good. She also got to come back to property for the girls graduation on Monday. Continue to pray for her as she looks for community and direction outside of here.
-We had Doulos Day on Tuesday and got to go out to a nice breakfast and then go ice-skating with the staff. It is really great that we get opportunities to do things like this together every month.
-After a few really refreshing weeks, I think the Lord is taking me back into the breaking place again. Although difficult, this is worth it, because it means knowing my Savior in a more and intimate way.

A Fun Week

2008-03-12T17:30:00.003-06:00

The girls' house

4 of the girls "Raptor Running" at the park Saturday

What a week it has been. There has been a ton of chaos amidst the girls. 5 of them are room grounded for various major offenses and 2 of them are just frustrated with life in general because they are graduating and leaving the program on Monday. Despite all the craziness that has surrounded these and other events, I have had a really great week. Praise the Lord! I have continued to be able to serve out of a place of joy and freedom and really enjoy and love the girls. Lots of good conversations and fun times this week.

Please begin to pray for next Friday, the day that most of the kids will head home for their 10 day Spring Break. There is always lots of excitement and nervousness with going home. Pray especially for my little, "M" - her counselor is not sure yet if things are good enough at home for her to spend the break there.

One huge praise is that my relationship with my little, "EM", really turned a corner this week. Last Wednesday I was asking her what she desired in relationship and how I could better approach her because she has constantly been upset with and just mean toward me most of the time she has been here. On Friday night I got to spend time hanging out with her and she told me that she didn't really have answers to my questions, but that she just basically had needed to open her heart and give me a chance! I believe the Lord truly did a work in her heart and it has been so nice to be able to have fun with and enjoy her since then. However she did get another drug offense this week (her 3rd one) which means that she still has consequences out the wazoo- at the minimum she will be property grounded for the next 3 months...I am truly praying that she would just stop making stupid choices.

"A" has had a really hectic week. While serving a different offense, she got a drug offense this week, then found out that if she pulls herself from the program on April 1st when she turns 18 (like she was planning) her parents will not support her at all- and they are not bringing her home for Spring Break. On top of this, she didn't finish some community service assigned by the court for a ticket earlier in the year and then missed court and so when the police came to property for something else involving her yesterday, she gotten taken in to the police station and then ordered to return to court today. All that to say that she is somewhat of a wreck. Please pray that she would drop her pride and run to the Lord in the midst of all this.

Things are still really good with "G". I am able to share often with her about the Lord and we often sing worship songs together. I am sad though, because "G" had another girl punch her in the face earlier this week as a form of self-harm. My heart breaks for this girl- she has experienced so much hurt. Pray that she would know and experience the deep love of our heavenly Father.

I'm looking forward to having this weekend off- just as time to rest a little.
Thanks for joining me in the fight for our Father's Kingdom in this place!

Lean not on your own understanding

2008-03-09T19:13:00.004-06:00

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make you paths straight.

Proverbs 20:24
A man's steps are directed by the Lord. How then can anyone understand his own way?

These verses have definitely been the theme for life the last few weeks. I always love to understand and figure our everything and have everyone understand me. The Lord is in a lot of ways trying to break me of this. But how good it is - how much better to trust his perfect leading than to try and figure out someithing impossible for me to really know anyways!

Littles

2008-03-05T17:41:00.003-07:00

A, is a girl Little who I shared about a long time ago. She was in my small group during the spiritual retreat we took some of the Littles on last year and was fighting against the Lord really hard then. She has continued to fight him and shut him out since then, until she went on the Mexico trip over beyond week and finally decided to give her life to him! Praise God!! This is a long awaited answer to prayer. A, seems to be afraid of telling others about her decision though- so please just pray for God to really speak truth and give her confidence in Him and this decision.

M's mom did not come visit and she didn't even end up getting to have any phone calls with her. I'm not really sure what is going on at home, but things do not seem to be moving in a positive direction. M was considering moving home when she graduated before, and now her counselor does not want to send her home at all. Continue to pray for restored relationship. Also, M feels very alone and unknown right now, because E was the one Little here that really knew her, and now she is gone. Pray that the Lord would comfort her and keep her from shutting down and sitting in depression.

My other Little, EM, is continuing to rack up the offenses and the hours. She is really rebellious and can be difficult to know how to relate to, discipline, and love. Pray that I would have patience and persistence with her and continue to pursue in the midst of rejection. Sometimes this is so hard. And mostly just pray that the Lord would soften her heart and change her. I heard her tell another Little the other day (seriously) that she should pray about something difficult that she was dealing with and she seems to like going to church now, where as she was opposed when she first got here. I don't know the motives behind either of these things, but am hoping for the best and for the Lord to just work.

Before leaving for outpost I had been asking often that the Lord would show me how to love the Littles like he does and at times fighting against getting bitter towards them. I still need prayer for this, but I have really seen His answer the last few days. It is really good! I have especially been able to connect with G. She is one of the new girls who came in January and is probably the first Little my whole time here that I feel totally comfortable hanging out with anytime, who consistently really lets me in and lets me love her and really feels like a friend. This is so refreshing. I am very thankful that God has given me this connection with her- please pray he would use it for his glory.

Also, there are 2 girl Littles graduating in 2 weeks. (One who loves God and is really growing and one who is still resisting Him) This means big transitions for these girls. Pray for the Lord to prepare there hearts exactly as they need in their last weeks here.

Outpost

2008-03-01T16:05:00.010-07:00

Beyond Shelterwood Week was amazing. There were good reports from all 3 groups. The really unique thing about this week is that as all 3 groups did something different than the normal routine the Big/Little status was taken away; everyone stepped up and it was more like everyone was equals. No matter who I talk to, everyone seemed to have a really good time. The Littles on Outpost did an awesome job. I was so impressed! It was a physically and emotionally difficult trip, but they were so strong. It was great for them to realize their own ability to survive way out of their comfort zone.While on outpost I was having difficulty just surviving the elements physically and was not nearly as faithful spiritually as I wanted to be. It made me so thankful to know that in times where I'm not able to pray or do the work I would like I have you all praying and doing it for me. What a blessing!

One of the 3 girls on outpost, E, found out the night we returned that her parents were pulling her out of Shelterwood the next morning. So she is home now. This is sad, because it would have been really good for her to finish the program. She was really just beginning to make some breakthroughs. I'm glad I got to spend the last week with her - pray that the Lord would give her extra strength as she begins life at home and that she would continue to believe her worth as a child of God.

The beautiful view

Our group

Hiking

Jenna and E and Tenzing- our mountain pup

Trying to destroy the snowcave

Inside the awesome snowcave

Mountain women

Camp

Parents Weekend

2008-02-22T12:28:00.004-07:00

The Whole Gang

I think they were cold

What a blessing to get to spend time with my wonderful parents and have them share in and support what we're doing out here! We had a few adventures- fixing my car, finding snow, visiting the aquarium....and of course we ate good food like steak and valentine's cookies.

A bad day

2008-02-15T08:14:00.003-07:00

I don't really know how to just type words about this. My roommate, Julie, was asked to leave the LeadTime program yesterday. The leadership thinks it would be best for her right now, because she is dealing with so much heavy personal stuff and this place can be really difficult; they think she would be safer and better able to find healing somewhere else. It's pretty hard to know what to do with this- yesterday evening after we found out we just kept cycling between tears, and anger, and laughter. Her parents are here for parents weekend- so that's good I guess- just that they can encourage and suppport her. But this was just sprung on all of us, so please just pray for us and the Littles in dealing with this huge loss. And of course pray for Julie as she battles a lot of lies and tries to discern where she is supposed to live and what she is supposed to do now that she cannot be here.

Gray's Peak

2008-02-13T20:52:00.001-07:00

This is the fourteener that I will be hiking in a week and a half!

Jenna

2008-02-12T14:00:00.000-07:00

Please pray for my classmate Jenna. She found out last night that Jason, her camp director who is like a 2nd father to her, passed away suddenly on Sunday. Jason was only 33 and has a wife, Joy, and a 4 month old daughter, Abigail. Jenna flew out this morning to go home for the funeral. Please just pray for comfort and grace and protection over her and Jason's family during this time.

A difficult choice

2008-02-12T13:42:00.001-07:00

Today I choose to follow You
Today I choose to give my 'yes' to You
Today I choose to hear Your voice and live
Today I choose to follow You

As for me and my house
We will serve You
As for me and my house
We will spend our lives on You
Wonderful Counseler, Everlasting Father
Eternal King, Lord of hosts
Willingly we follow

Today I choose to follow You
Today I choose to give my 'yes' to You
Today I choose to hear Your voice and live
Today I choose to follow You

Life Stories

2008-02-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

The 4 newest girl littles each gave their life story to the whole girls' house last week. It is hard to know what to say about these. The hurt and pain and need in all of these girls runs so deep- some as a consequence of their own choices and some just due to what life has thrown at them. Out of the 4, 2 really could see their hurt and need and desire healing (G an K) and 2 have still fooled themselves into thinking they're ok and don't really need anything (EM and C). I guess listening to their stories kind of raise up 3 things in me. One is a desire for Christ to come back and put an end to this fallen messed up and yucky world. Also just the realization that there is no way I could possibly help or bring change to these girls - the problem is way to big and Jesus really is their only hope. And last, even though I can't change them, I really want the Lord to teach me how to love them like Him, that with His love he can change them. "I don't know how to be a love like that." To see them as He does and to remember when these girls are throwing up all kinds of rebellion and hatred and other smokescreens, that under it is a history and a lot of hurt.

Surely We Can Change by David Crowder

And the problem is this
We were bought with a kiss
But the cheek still turned
Even when it wasn't hit

And I don't know
What to do with a love like that
And I don't know
How to be a love like that

When all the love in the world
Is right here among us
And hatred too
And so we must choose
What our hands will do

Where there is pain
Let there be grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Help them be brave
Where there is misery
Bring expectancy
And surely we can change
Surely we can change
Something

And the problem it seems
Is with you and me
Not the Love Who came
To repair everything

Where there is pain
Let us bring grace
Where there is suffering
Bring serenity
For those afraid
Let us be brave
Where there is misery
Let us bring them relief
And surely we can change
Oh, surely we can change
Something

Oh, the world's about to change
The whole world's about to change

Sneaky Sneaky

2008-02-08T17:22:00.000-07:00

So, the staff realized a couple days ago that some guys had probably been sneaking out of the house at night through the floor of the laundry room and under the house. So last night they totally set the guys up- puposefully left the laundry room unlocked, told them that the night duty guy wasn't coming in so they needed to settle down quickly and get to sleep, etc... and then waited for them outside. They caught 4 of the sneaky rats coming out of their underground escape! Haha, victory! We also caught girls out of thier room last night trying to pick to lock to the office in the girls house. Double victory! :o) These stories are a lot better told in person, but the point of it is that it feels good sometimes to catch them in their stupidity and sneakyness. Haha, from working here I have fine tuned what we like to call the "shadar" - the radar for shadiness.

Psalm 34

2008-02-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips...
I sought the Lord and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.
This poor man called and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
Taste and see that the lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
Fear the Lord you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing...
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Praise

2008-02-01T19:15:00.000-07:00

I had asked prayer a while back for my new little, "EM". She is really doing well; she is a ton of fun and I really enjoy her. The big answer to prayer is that earlier this week, the other 2 newest Littles "ran" from property. They wanted "EM" to come with them, but she decided not to. This is huge! I am so proud of her. As I had specifically asked for prayer apprehensive that she would try to run soon, I see the fact that she chose not to as a total answer to prayer. So thanks!

LeadTime Retreat

2008-01-30T17:22:00.000-07:00

Our retreat on Monday and Tuesday was so much fun. It was such a blessing to spend this time away together - we did a lot of playing and eating and resting and worshiping. It was really great. I think more than anything I took away from it a thankfulness for the community God has me in right now. It is really a blessing to get to share life day in and day out with the 7 other girl Bigs (as well as the Littles and staff). There are not a lot of places where you get to do that. I tend to be somewhjat independent and miss out on the things God has to offer me through other people. During my eval last week someone nicely put it that I "rely on God almost to a fault". I don't think its possible to rely on God too much, but I do think we can fail to rely on those he has given us, and I know that I do that. I don't want to. I want to enjoy and glean all I can from this community during the next 7 months.

Julie and Pam wrestling on the ice after our broomball game.

Mid Year Eval

2008-01-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

So, I got to do this fun thing this week where I sat down with my Directors, the intern, and one of the house directors and just got feedback on the strengths they see in me and challenges on areas to grow in. I think its really cool that they do this, and I love all of these people dearly, so I was blessed and encouraged by what they had to share (although a lot of it is a blur). But anyways, I had to fill out my own self evaluation before hand, and I thought that although that is a little personal it might be encouraging or challenging to others.

1) What areas of your life have you experienced the greatest growth in so far this year?
-Accepting and seeking Christ in suffering, rejection, failure, and weakness. Learning to begin embracing these has also been the been the beginning of humility.
-Learning to be hopeful and inviting in relationships with others, asking questions and listening with openness and being more willing to offer parts of my own heart and life
-Growing eyes that see people and Jesus more and tasks less.

2) What has God revealed to you as hindrances to growth?
-Wanting to perform: fear of rejection and failure and so trying to protect myself form or avoid failure and weakness
-Trying to shut off emotion
-My desire to fix or control
-My need to understand and be understood
-Shame
-Lack of confidence and courage
-Independence: not asking others for help
-Forgetting/letting go of parts of my heart
-Lack of discipline in seeking the Lord and being still

3) What areas would you like to experience growth or change in during the spring?
-To love because Christ loves and in the way he loves
-To continue to learn to be ok with just being- with hurting or not understanding- and so live in greater dependence on Christ in those places
-To grow in confidence in Christ and who he's made me

Just a funny story

2008-01-23T14:26:00.000-07:00

So, we have a lot of funny (sometimes not so funny) stories around here, but one of my classmates typed this one up and I thought you might enjoy reading it.

The boys house was having a bonfire on Friday night when
two of the guys decided that it would be a good time for them to run.
By time the male staff had realized that the boys were gone, the
littles were long gone or so they thought. I drove one of the boys
cars up to the mountain that Sunday for our snowboarding program. I
was able to hear the whole story from them. Apparently they had snuck
off and simply laid down in a nearby field. They ended up getting
cold and once everyone on property had gone to bed they came back to
the fire to warm up. Once the fire went out around 2 in the morning
the boys snuck into one of the classrooms and slept for a few hours.
They woke up around dawn and left property for the first time since
they "ran". They bought some cigarettes and returned to property. At
this point in was Saturday morning. Instead of smoking the cigarettes
while they were still off property they did what any good rebellious
group home kid would do and returned to property where they sat on the
gazebo in the middle of property and smoked the entire pack. It
definitely amused me to see this event because where else would
intentionally breaking rules knowing that you would get in trouble for
doing so be seen as a badge of honor.

Pictures

2008-01-16T17:07:00.000-07:00

At the Stockyards/Miniature Horse Show for Doulos Day

Desi, Me, and Julie - gotta keep your hands clean

Jessi and Desi - farm girls rule

SOS

Mission Statement

2008-01-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

It may seem a little late to finally develop one of these, but our LeadTime class just did this today. Pray that it would be more than words and we would daily live this out.

"We seek through grace, as a community, to abide in Truth and surrender our lives to serving and loving the Lord."

Psalm 3

2008-01-16T16:58:00.000-07:00

But Thou oh Lord art a shield about me.
My glory and the one who lifts up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud,
and He answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep;
I awake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.

Ever feel like this? I'm not fleeing for my life and kingdom like David was when he wrote this, but this is definitely my life right now- the crying and sleeping and awaking only because he sustains me and in the midst of it all lifts up my head so that even when things are the worst I need not fear.

My 2 Littles

2008-01-16T16:43:00.000-07:00

EM snowboarding

M and I dressed up funny to pick someone up from the airport

Before "EM"'s first week here was over, she managed to get 2 major offenses. A modified sex offense and a drug offense. So, she has been stuck in her room serving "reflection time". She is still trying to find her place in the house and with the other girls. She has her first phone call with her parents tonight and will be begging them to take her out of the program. When they tell her they're not going to she will probably get even more chaotic and maybe try to run. (this is pretty typical of new girls) So please pray for their conversation and EM as she deals with what they say. Also EM just got a new roomate, "T". T is an upper level girl in the program who is relatively mature and really loves the Lord. Pray for her relationship with EM- that she would stand up to her, but also love and have patience with her.

I don't really know how "M" is doing this week, only not that great. She went back into shut down and avoid mode with me last Thursday. This is so hard for my heart. Pray that I would not be upset with her, but just love her anyways.

I just need the Lord to be able to love the Littles in general. Their hurts are so deep, and their walls are so thick and after 5 months I still don't know how to enter into that place very well.

Snowboarding

2008-01-09T18:44:00.000-07:00

So we had our first day of SOS (Snowboard Outreach Society)with the kids on Sunday. For the first part of the day they complained a lot and said they were quitting (some did and some never even tried)- but by the end of the day, most of them had kept at it and were starting to get the hang of it and were really having fun. I definitely face planted a few times but was having a lot of fun by the end of the day. I also got a lot of practice (about 5 hours) of driving in the icy snowy mountains on the way there and back too. Thank you Lord for your protection! Maybe my neck will stop hurting before next Sunday when we go back.

Awaken Me

2008-01-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

"The Soveriegn Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious."
Isaiah 50:4-5

praying for this

New Friends

2008-01-05T15:53:00.000-07:00

2 new Bigs arrived this week. Kenny from Wyoming and Marcedes from Pennsylvania. It is really good to have them here. Please pray for them as they get used to life here. That they would bring all of who the Lord is in them to our community. That what they bring would benefit us and what we have to offer would encourage them also. Also just for quick connections to be built with them, since they are the only 2 who are new and the rest of us have already spent 4 months together.

We also received 2 new girl Littles this week. One, "G", is 14 years old and seems really cute and sweet. She comes from a pretty mixed up family with 13 half or step siblings. She doesn't know her real dad and was raised by her mom and uncle. I've gotten to play and joke around with her, but don't really know much more about her.

The other new girl Little, "EM" was assigned to me. She is from California and 16 years old. From what I could tell the first day, she has a really poor relationship with her parents- is just manipulative and rebellious with them. She was really into pot and guys and is very fashionable. She also is not really interested in God- her parents are Christians and I think she just sees Christianity as a bunch of stupid rules.

It is fun to have new faces - please cover us with prayer as we all get to know one another.

Back at it

2008-01-05T15:37:00.000-07:00

So, this is only the 4th day the girls have been back, but it feels like much longer than that already. I forgot how exhausting normal life is here! The hours are long, so that it part of it, but even more than that there is just non-stop relational draining. I have more real and intense conversations and see more hurts that people are dealing with in one day here than I think I would in weeks outside of here.

We talked about rest in class this week.
In Jer. 31:25 God says:
"I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes(works to the point of exhaustion)"

And Jesus says in the familiar passage Matt 11:28-30:
"Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my load is light."

Jesus, in the place of weariness and exhaustion and bearing burdens may we come to you and allow them to be your burdens. Thank you that you refresh us and provide rest for the soul. Teach us to not strive but entrust all the work to you knowing that your work is already complete. May nothing prevent us from coming to you.

Extended Break

2008-01-01T16:25:00.000-07:00

I've been back in Colorado since last Wednesday night, but by the Lord's blessing, it ended up that none of the girls returned to property before tomorrow. So I've had almost a week of extra break hanging out here with a couple other Bigs who have been back too. Here are a few fun pictures.

Christmas Break

2007-12-29T15:11:00.000-07:00

The Blackmon family Christmas. It was great to be at home with my family- to get to rest and enjoy all the things I love about them as well as some tasty mom-cooked food.

With Ally and Sis. Ally and her husband came over for Christmas. As did my aunt and the Mendekes. It was fun to have people over at the house and get to spend time with friends.

Me and my man Justus. I got to spend a few days in College Station hanging out with old friends (and lots of children). This time was full and extremely encouraging.

Breakfast with friends from TAMS. Rachel, Ryan, and David.

Catch up on Littles

2007-12-29T14:45:00.000-07:00

Christmas Party in the girl's house

I'm sorry for slacking on updates this month.

Earlier this month J was sent to a different lock-down facility in California becuase the therapists here and at a local mental hospital decided that this is not the best place for her right now. I was really sad when she left, becuase I felt like she had been a little gift to me, but I know the Lord's purpose was perfect in the time she had here and where she is headed now. I have not heard from her since she left, but would love to be able to keep in contact with her.

K2 ran earlier this month and actually got away- no one heard from her for a couple weeks. But her plans of where she was goig to stay fell through and she contacted her parents and is now back at home with them. Praise the Lord that she is safe. We will definitely miss her here. Pray for her parents as they are trying to set strict boundaries and change a lot of things at home.

5 of the girl Littles who are still in the program (including M), graduated from Shelterwood Highschool right before Christmas break. Most of them are looking for jobs when they return so that they can work during school hours each morning. This should bring some big changes this semester.

One precious girl finished and graduated from the whole program. (The is the first girl to complete the program since I arrived) She is not a believer and has been very curious about the Lord and yet outwardly very opposed to him her whole time here. Please pray for her salvation- that as she remembers this place, she would see the difference of the Lord's love and turn to him.

Progress

2007-12-01T11:16:00.000-07:00

This week has been both hard and good for my class. It was so refreshing just to be back together on Tuesday. We are one another's friends and family and community, so its encouraging to be together again after break. Things have been pretty tense with the Littles in both houses this week though, and then with losing one of our teammates, and 2 of the girls in my class going through stuff that's really hard(one almost left this week) - it's just been hard. However, we got to spend hours and hours just praying for one another this week instead of doing our normal class stuff, so that was really good. We also had fun time together on days off and suzy night- played some fun "Imagine If".

Last night I had a really fun Big-Little with J. She had 4 hours she had to work off after school in order for us to go. But she really wanted to so she started scrubbing the bathrooms right after school and worked hard until she got them all off. We went to the mall and had cinabon, sat by the big fire, got mesages in the chairs at Brookstone, and tried Bath and Body Works products. For someone who doesn't like the mall (me), it was a lot of fun. I guess the mall is ok so long as you're not shopping. :o)

I got to talk with M last night too. (she couldn't come on big-little because she has hours). She and her mom made a lot of progress over break, and as a result of this, she is ready to have real relationship with me. This is really exciting- both for her family and for me. it is scary too though. I already love her so much, even though I don't have much of a relationship with her, I know that will only grow as I get to know her better- and that's scary because it means it will hurt worse if/when she decides to quit and ignore me again. But, I trust my Jesus and know that whatever happens, he is in control and it is worth it.

Here's a praise- it looks like SJ is going to get to stay through May and complete the program. She was having ot leave for financial reasons and somehow they were able to work something out, so this is exciting.

Dropping Like Flies

2007-11-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

So you may know that out of the total 12 people who have been part of my LeadTime class since August, two (guys) have already left. So, it has kind of become the running joke, when things are hard that we are going to "run" (a term use for when the Littles run away)- If they can run, we can too! Just pack up our stuff and leave :o) But all joking aside, life at Shelterwood is tough, and so it is a very real feeling that people often want out. Thus, before Thanksgiving break, I very seriously looked around the table at everyone in my class and told them that they all had to come back! No one else was allowed to leave! I guess that my admonition didn't work. Today is my last day off- I haven't been back to property yet, but I just got back to civilization, and in my inbox had an e-mail from my classmate Jodi saying that she wouldn't be returning...Man...I love Jodi, I wasn't super close to her, but she was a lot of fun and I know a lot of the Littles really loved her...this is probably what's best for her- I know its what she feels like she's supposed to do right now...I just don't like it. I don't like inconsistency- and to me, commitment that for whatever reason isn't followed through with, is inconsistency....Pray for her as she moves home to work through some things she's been avoiding. Pray for the Littles who have a really hard time with change and "abandonment". Pray for our class as we experience yet another loss to our family...Lord show up in this place once again.

How to Save a Life

2007-11-22T13:21:00.000-07:00

Many of you have probably heard this popular song by the Fray. Did you know that it was written about Shelterwood? It's playing at the coffee shop right now, which is what made me think to post it.

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Catch Up

2007-11-22T12:46:00.000-07:00

Property covered in snow!

The Flatirons covered in snow!

Ok, so I apologize for my lack of posting on this blog for the last month. Now that I have a little time off, I'm going to try and make up for it.

Most of the Littles are at home for their 10 day Thanksgiving break. As they hit the half way point and things are probably very difficult for most of them, please keep them and their families in your prayers.

M's counselor, Dawn, is actually flying out to stay with her Friday to Monday, so please pray specifically for them during this time.

Its been really quiet around property the last week. There are only 3 girl Littles still here. K, K2, and J - these are the newer Littles that aren't allowed to go home yet. It's so weird to sitting in the front room of the house with maybe only one girl and no yelling! The Bigs each get 5 days of for Thanksgiving, so we're just rotating whose here and whose home for their break. We're trying to take the girls out to do something fun each day to make the time go by faster and get their minds off of being away from home. We've hung out in Denver and Boulder and Estes- watched an extreme ski movie, driven through Rocky Mountain National Park, toured the Celestial Seasonings factory, gone sledding and ice skating, and watched lots of movies and eaten out a lot. :o) However, K and K2's families came out here to visit them for yesterday and today, so they are spending time with them. Today we're having a big Thanksgiving lunch on property.

Above: K ice skating in Boulder

J is my new Little. She is 15, but seems younger because she has some learning disabilities and mild cerebral palsy. These things also make her really socially awkward, but she is precious! She was so excited when it snowed Tuesday night and Wednesday. She sledded and ice skated for the first time! Here's a picture of us with a tiny snowman we made:

Another girl little, D, was supposed to be here for break, but her parents decided to bring her home and in so doing, take her out of the program. She is now the 3rd girl Little to leave since we arrived. (AMS left a couple weeks ago after the court placed her with her Aunt and Uncle, which was a praise, and C is doing well in her new program) The constant coming and going of kids is just part of life at Shelterwood, but I am not quite used to it yet. Another little, SJ's parents will be taking her out of the program at Christmas break too. She is 18, has been here for over a year, and they just can't afford for her to stay any longer. Please be in prayer for her as she makes plans for where she will live and what she will do in 4 weeks. More than that pray that God would really cement some important truths in her heart before she has to leave.

Mom's visit

2007-11-15T16:28:00.000-07:00

Mom flew out and visited for her birthday. She got us a little cabin in Estes park to stay out. Other that some crazy ATV riding and me pelting things with my slingshot, it was a quiet weekend in the mountains.

My childish antics

The impossible puzzle

Our little cabin

ATV extreme fun

Me and mom on our hike around Bear Lake

Narrow Roads

2007-11-09T15:00:00.000-07:00

Narrow Roads was a spiritual retreat that took place at a little camp outside Estes Park. We took a really neat group of 12 Littles- they were fun, they did really well with a lot of quiet/contemplative time, they were very honest, and there were no boy-girl issues (which makes everything better). It was also nice to have more Bigs/staff then Littles around - this completely changed group dynamics and gave us time together too. God was clearly at work there. Just the maturity the kids showed and their honesty about hard issues was huge.

All the Littles at Narrow Roads

Jodi and M during our "easy hike". We went on an afternoon hike that proved to be longer and more difficult than expected. Jodi and M were tired and hung out together while the rest of us finished the last part of the hike.

Ashley and T on the hike. "Cool!" "Wow!"

A & SJ (roomates) at Narrow Roads. "A", who was in my small group, "doesn't believe in God". She thinks there's a higher power of some sort, but because of life experiences has decided that whatever it is, she wants nothing to do with it. Its funny because she chose to come on this "spiritual retreat" (probably mostly because other people wanted her too), but then the whole time she was there she was trying very hard to tune everything out and not really enter into it- like she's afraid of ending up believing in God again. So much so that she had to make a list of all the reasons she hates God, because she was beginning to forget and be unsure...it was obvious that although she was pretty closed off to the whole thing, a major battle was going on inside of her. "SJ" who really struggles with self hatred and feeling like she should be a boy was met by the Lord during a worship on day at the retreat and assured that he made and loves her the way she is. This is huge and I'm excited to see what will come as she embraces this truth!

Jeff, Jodi and Jason by the nice fire place in the dining hall that served us great food that we didn't have to cook or clean up!

All the bigs: Ashley, Julie, Pam, Sarah, Jason, Jeff, Jenna, Katie, Jodi, Becky

The mountains were beautiful!

Today

2007-10-29T23:19:00.000-06:00

This morning went really smoothly- there were a lot of tears, but no mass chaos, which is amazing. We already greatly miss C but are trusting our perfect Father with her. Pray for brokeness rather than bitterness and hardness as her life is turned upside down again. It is wierd to think how hard it is to see one of the Littles go after only a couple months. I can't imagine what it will be like at the end of this year. This place is always changing.... C is gone and K2 has arrived and is in her old room and life moves on. I think one neat opportunity in this is it makes all the girls aware of how unstable their lives really are and just causes them to think about life and what matters and is lasting- pray God would enter into those thoughts.

Today we finished planning our Narrow Roads retreat that we are leaving for next Monday. We'll spend Monday through Wednesday afternoon at a retreat center in Estes Park with our whole LeadTime class and 12 Littles. I'm very excited for this time. This afternoon we invited the Littles we wanted to be a part of it to go . There are a few who are still unsure if this is something they want to do- pray that God would bring the perfect ones ready to meet with him next week.

This morning began something new for the girl bigs- after breakfast when the kids go off to school each morning we are going to eat and clean up together and spend time in prayer together before class starts. I am so excited about this. Pray that we would really be faithful to do this as I know it will be opposed.

Guess what? Tonight I finally had good time with M! Praise God! After talking to her Friday and just trying to be more intentional in loving and pursuing her since then, she finally let down the wall and interacted with me tonight, so I capitalized on the opportunity and spent time with her in her room after beds. It was good- AND out of nowhere (although she said she'd wanted to ask me for a long time?) she asked me if I wanted to read through "The Purpose Driven Life" with her! Wow- wahooo! I know the walls may all be up again tomorrow, but I am hoping and praying for more and am excited at what could be ahead.

The Morrocco Team arrived home safely and will be sharing with us this week. We are praying for all that they have to sort through as they return, and that one of them will want to be our new night duty person. Speaking of which, Liana, our old night duty person just found out that on top of all the other drama in her life, she has a hereditary brain and muscle degenerative disease that is goign to kill her. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.

Sickness

2007-10-28T10:28:00.000-06:00

There seems to be a virus spreading around the girls house. A few of the girls have it already, and it is not fun - especially since they don't have mommies here to care for them. Please pray for quick healing and for us to be sympathetic and able to care for and comfort the girls.

A Full Saturday

2007-10-28T00:13:00.000-06:00

This morning we took the girls to help with a yard work day the Senior Center was hosting. This means we raked lots of leaves for 4 hours at homes in an elderly community. The girls had to get up early and this was a lot of work, but they did great. i was really proud of their attitudes and the work they did. After we got back from work project and had lunch I went to the insanely busy Walmart with one of the Littles to pick up all the Walmart requests for the week and then we got to go work in the preschool at our church. Then a stop to buy pumpkins and back to property to set up for house night where we carved pumpkins, made caramel apples, popcorn balls, and apple cider. It was a lot of fun. But I am worn out.

The Morroco missions team (from the last LeadTime class) was supposed to arrive back in Denver tonight but because of some French airline flight is stuck. Hopefully they'll make it back tomorrow. Please pray for them as they re-enter life here and get over sickness and just weariness. They will be sharing with us in class next week.

The lady who was doing our overnight duty got fired. This means we've been taking turns sleeping in the front room of the house. Pray for a quick replacement- we're hoping one of the old Bigs returning from Morroco might be interested.

I talked to M last night. she wasn't responsive, but it was good for me just to tell her where I am at and communicate again my desire for relationship with her. Pray that I would love fully and not hold back.

C leaves Monday morning- here mom as well as an escort service are coming to get her and take her to the state program she is moving into. Please pray for her last day here tomorrow, for the chaos of Monday morning, and for C as she transitions. Its hard to see her go- She's been here a year and is known and is loved here - its hard to imagine moving being good for her (especially since she's been moved around her whole life) but we trust God has the perfect place prepared for her to draw her to himself more... anyways this is oging to be a rough day/week, so please pray.

In search of a friend?

2007-10-21T08:27:00.000-06:00

I think I've shared several times what an awesome community I have here. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But there's something I miss- having "my friend". Someone I can do anything and nothing with, that I know and knows me and I share everything with, the one person I always go to....A community of people is awesome, but I would really like to have that one-person. Jesus had the tweleve but also something special with Peter James and John. Please pray that my heart and motives would be pure in this and not seeking to fill personal lonliness with a person rather than the Lord. And pray for my patience and willing to offer myself to others while waiting for his provision.

First snow in Westminster

2007-10-21T08:12:00.000-06:00

I am currently at Caribou- my favorite coffee shop (loved for its free Wi-Fi and proximity to property)and this is the view outside the window. Its snowing! What a fun way to end parent's weekend- the weather has been beautiful the last 2 days and now we get snow. This has been a really special weekend. To see the nervousness and excitement- some blowouts but people moving past them, to get deeper insight into what these kids are coming from. One of my highlights of the weekend was getting to take a few older sisters (college/post college) out to coffee. Just to hear a little of their stories/hearts -I had never really considered how much they were affected by their siblings. Other things I've done this weekend - I went to lunch with M's parents. I was expecting it to be really awkward after eating dinner at their table on Friday night, but it ended up being really good. He is a doctor and she is a nurse and they are both pretty serious and well-put-together, but I really enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know more about them. I survived entertainment night on Saturday night, which I was kind of in charge of. I had my doubts, but it turned out pretty well. I spent a lot of time cooking and cleaning up- we fed 180 people some gourmet meals. This morning we have an on property worship service and family share time. I'm excited to hear ways the Lord has moved in families this weekend. It's been great getting a bigger picture of this ministry, all that it impacts, and what it is really about.

Psalm 118

2007-10-11T16:47:00.000-06:00

Let those who fear the Lord say, "His lovingkindness is everlasting."
From my distress I called upon the Lord.
The Lord answered me and set me in a large place.
The Lord is for me, I will not fear;
What can man do to me?
The Lord is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall look with satisfaction on those who hate me.
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.
You pushed me violently so that I was falling,
But the Lord helped me.
The Lord is my strength and my song.
And he has become my salvation.
I shall not die, but live, and tell the works of the Lord.
Blessed is the one who comes in the name of the Lord.

Upcoming Events

2007-10-09T16:46:00.000-06:00

So, parents/family weekend is coming quickly around the corner. It will take place Oct 18-21st and is a time for parents to visit their children here, get to know staff, attend helpful training and seminars, do family counseling, etc. This is a really big deal and many of the Littles are already both excited and apprehensive. I've been told (and have already started to notice) that as it approaches the Littles get heightened and nervous and as a result daily life is a little more stressful and they do more stupid things. I'm looking forward just to meeting families and getting more insight into where the Littles come from. Please be in prayer for healing and reconciliation as this weekend approaches as well as all the planning and preparation that remains.

Also, today we started praying about and planning a "spiritual retreat" that we will take 10 Littles on the first week of November. We want to keep it very simple, n ot high energy and flashy, but just basic- taking a look at who is God really, how can I know him? Maybe stemming from Psalm 46 the theme of "Be still and know that I am God". We hope to spend time in small groups so that we can share personal testimony of who God has been in our lives and help the Littles spend time alone seeking after him. Anyways, please pray as we plan this and choose which Littles will go - It's going to be an awesome focused opportunity to see God move.

Estes Park Birthday Extravaganza

2007-10-04T16:24:00.000-06:00

After class Friday morning, Mary and I packed up and headed 1 & 1/2 hours West to camp in Estes Park. The drive was beautiful as was Estes Park on arrival. We pitched a tent at a KAO camp ground and then spent the afternoon walking around the downtown shops. We had dinner at a pizza place along the river walk, bought some necessary camping items (S'more ingredients and firewood) and then watched Bourne Ultimatum at a local theatre before returning to camp for fire time. It was really cold Friday night, so sleep was a bit limited, but that's what happens when you go camping in Colorado. Thankfully I had my new snow boots and silk thermals from my parents to sleep in. :o) We spent Saturday hiking and driving in Rocky Mountain National Park (it just happened to be "free day") . We saw lots of elk and even got snowed on. Saturday afternoon we drove back to Boulder and spent the evening downtown there. Downtown Boulder is probably one of the most interesting places to people watch ever - there are people from all walks of life and lots of street performers. Sunday morning we had a picnic outside of Starbucks, went to church, had lunch and chilled at the park until time to go to the airport. However we underestimated security and Mary didn't make her flight. So we had dinner with Ashley and then Mary stayed the Clark's before going back to the airport to catch an early flight out the next morning. When I went back to property Sunday night for our girl Bigs meeting, they had made a cake and had balloons and some fun little gifts for me. So I busted out my "party in a box" from the Murrays, complete with party hats, candy, party blowers, etc. It was great. "M" had even got me a little birthday present.
Yay for birthday weekends and time off and friends and the beautiful mountains!

A few Pictures

2007-10-04T15:54:00.000-06:00

Jodi, Ashley, Pam, Becky

My LeadTime Class at Corn Maze on Doulos Day

Girl Bigs and House Staff on "Red Day" of Color Week

Marriage

2007-09-24T19:54:00.000-06:00

This has been a theme the past couple of days, here are a few that you can be in prayer for.

-One LeadTimer, Josh and his wife. They have only been married about 7 months. She has yet to get a job since they moved here for the program. Finances are tight and there is lots of stress on the marriage. He left early yesterday and did not come in today. Pray the Lord would move mightily and enable Josh to lead his wife in truth.

-Another LeadTimer, Jeff just went back to Texas to get his wife and move all their stuff up here now that their house sold. However they have had U-Haul issues and so are a few days late getting back. Please pray for safe travel and adjustment to the new shape their married life will take on here.

-Our over night staff for the girl's house, Liana, is really struggling in her marriage and getting to the point of giving up. She knows the things she needs to do but just doesn't think its worth it. She know the Lord so pray he would unite them and hold them together for his purposes.

The Helmet

2007-09-21T13:56:00.000-06:00

So, yesterday during our Bigs meeting - we do this every Thursday, all the Bigs and staff meet together just to connect with one another- I was bequeathed "the helmet". Every week the helmet is passed on to a different staff to recognize and affirm them in who they are and what they've been doing. Different people recognize you in front of the group and then everyone writes a little note for you too. It was pretty sweet to receive this. It feels undeserved, but was good just for making me feel loved and beautiful in who God has made me to be and what he has me in this place for. Thanks Lord!

So on another note, kind of connected to this, I got to talk to M's counselor again yesterday. We were just discussing the block M has with me and how a lot of that stems from me reminding her of her mom. In this, her counselor said that as she had listened to people describe me when I was awarded the helmet she had seen that if people were to describe M's mom, they would most likely say very similar things - everyone thinks she's great. So why wouldn't M like her? It has a lot to do with feeling unable to live up to the expectations of someone who is "good at everything". So this is kind of a weird thing to write about myself because it seems prideful, but I'm striving for honesty. I know how many things I am not good at, but I also know I've heard this line my whole life, "You are just good at everything". And as I look back at my life from the time when I was really young, there are very few times I ever really dealt with failure. How has this impacted me and others? I'm trying to figure it out. I think its built into me this reliance on my performance to prove/find my worth. And with this comes a great fear of failure. That's one reason why working at the daycare was so hard and why this year with the certainty and yet freedom of failing is hard, but much needed for me. How has this impacted others- I think it builds walls. My lack of vulnerability (due to fear of failure) combined with others perception of not being able to live up to expectations make quite a wall... I don't know, I'm really just thinking through this as I'm typing. If you have any insight or personal examples for me please share.

Captivating Ch. 3

2007-09-21T13:55:00.000-06:00

We're also studying "Captivating". This week I've read and been thinking about how as a result of the fall the vulnerability and beauty gifted to women has been marred and replaced with a curse of loneliness, desire for control, and living under male dominance. Every woman is asking "Am I lovely?" and seeking to protect herself either through dominating and controlling, or being desolate and hiding. She then fulfills her hearts longings through little addictions and indulgences and quiet the longings temporarily but really only serve to separate her from her heart and fail to resolve the deeper issues. In this I've seen my more clearly my own fear of others and doubt that I'm worth paying attention to. This results in me hiding my true self and only offering what is wanted, not speaking up, busying myself, basic self protection. So obviously, living here has faced me to deal with these things day in and out as I am rejected and misunderstood. But I praise God, because even as I clearly see my struggle I see a lot of change and victory that the Lord has brought me to. From sharing when my heart is burdened with something in class even though it might be uncomfortable, to getting to know a homeless person in Boulder, to confronting Littles when I know how they will react...I see his growth and this is exciting! Though I have so far to go, I know He is moving me forward.

Strengths

2007-09-21T13:43:00.000-06:00

So we're studying and exploring this topic some- and have watched some little videos by Marcus Buckingham- who studies people and their Strengths. He defined strength not traditionally, as the things you are good at, but instead as the things that make you feel strong. This is a neat way of viewing strengths. Instead of other people defining your strengths for you, you are the only one who can define your strengths and it involves more than just your talents, but your passions.
Anyways, my top 5 strengths are
1)Relator
2)Achiever
3)Developer
4)Belief
5)Connectedness
A relator thrives off deep intimate relationship- one-on-one, really knowing people. And achiever loves to work hard and accomplish things. Both of these are true to me. Do you know what your strengths are?

Psalm 149:4

2007-09-18T14:26:00.000-06:00

For the LORD takes pleasure in His people. He will beautify the afflicted ones with salvation.

Unity

2007-09-17T22:24:00.000-06:00

Please pray for unity for our team. We're starting to deal with division and personality clashes. Praise God that He has made us each as a much needed part of His body- unified by His Spirit, which is much stronger than all our differences. Pray that we would love and consider other before ourselves and be unified Christ amidst difficulty as a testimony before the Littles.

1 Corinthians 12

Something related to this that I am personally asking the Lord for help with is knowing and being ok with the part of the body that he has made me. It is easy to see the way other people are received or their talents and wish I was an "eye" instead of an "ear". But God has arranged the parts of the body, every one, just as he wants and if they were all one part where would the body be? And what God sees as valuable is not what man sees or what produces the most results or is best accepted on earth.

On a walk the other day I noticed the difference between the rugged wild beauty of nature (weeds, bugs, flowers, pretty plants, things that were dead, trees, ugly plants, animals, all mixed together) and the picturesque beauty of the man-made neighborhoods (perfectly cultivated and structured beautiful houses and gardens). How true is this to life? What God sees as beautiful and what man sees as such are so different. I desire to line my heart up with my head in this and walk in confidence in my Lord as the head of the body and the part of the body he has made me to be.

A day in the life - Mood ring

2007-09-14T13:24:00.000-06:00

Jenna and I listened to this on our last break and cracked up because it is so stinkin' true to life here.

Mood Ring by Reliant K
we all know the girls that i am talking about
well they are time bombs and they are ticking
and the only question's when they'll blow up
and they'll blow up; we know that without a doubt
cause they're those girls, yeah you know those girls that let their emotions get the best of them

and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...

she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so happy it's depressing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

if it's drama you want then look no further
they're like the real world meets boy meets world meets days of our lives
and it just kills me how they get away with murder
they'll anger you then bat their eyes; those pretty eyes that watch you sympathize

and i've contrived some sort of a plan to help my fellow man
let's get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off to when they're ticked off
cause we'll know just what they're thinking
cause what they're thinking...

she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

cause when it's black (it) means watch your back because you're probably
the last person in the world right now she wants to see
and when it's blue it means that you should call her up immediately
and ask her out because she'll most likely agree
and when it's green it simply means that she is really stressed
and when it's clear it means she's completely emotionless (and that's all right i must confess)

we all know the girls that i am talking about
she liked you wednesday but now it's friday and she has to wash her hair
and it just figures that we'll never figure them out
first she's jekyll and then she's hyde....at least she makes a lovely pair

mood ring oh mood ring
oh tell me will you bring
the key to unlock this mystery
of girls and their emotions
play it back in slow motion
so i may understand the complex infrastructure known as the female mind

C - Little of the Week

2007-09-13T19:31:00.000-06:00

Wow, what a turn around has occurred in C this week. All the Littles had their "staffing" on Monday where they get feedback from all the staff here about how they are doing an things they need to work on. Well C got a lot of hard things and challenges shared with her, because she has just been in a bad place for a long time now and things really needed to change if she was gong to stay in the program. and its like she's been a new girl this week. She's been working on her treatment plan, doing her chores, taking shower, smiling more and being more respectful. So even though, she's still got much to work on, we awarded her "Little of the the Week" today for the changes she has made. And, we found out after giving her this, that she broke up with Nick, the guy who was not good for her and consuming her and causing her to avoid her real issues today. AND, she apologized to N in front of everyone for beating her up a few weeks ago. WOW! Way to go Lord!

The difficult part of this, is that C is probably going to have to leave soon even though she is finally starting to move forward. Her mom is trying to get he into some state program. Because C has been so up and down and was pretty much on the last straw here, she had been looking in to other options for her. Even though she is doing well, whenever she is accepted into this other program, her mom is planning on pulling her and moving her there, because she is afraid that otherwise C will just end up getting kicked out and she will have no where for her to go. So please pray for the Lord's hand in all of this...We don't want C to leave, but that is her mom's choice- we know the Lord can take care of it.

Shelterwood Site

2007-09-12T17:40:00.000-06:00

This is a fairly recently updated web-page that has interviews and information that shares more information about the program the Littles are going through here.

http://www.shelterwood.org/

My struggle

2007-09-12T16:52:00.000-06:00

Being real and being myself with the Littles.

It's not very difficult with the Bigs and staff.

But with the Littles what I have to offer isn't really wanted, and I'm rejected over and over.

Due to fear and vulnerability, my natural response in the middle of this is to
just turn off
disengage
not pursue
shut down
not offer my true self anymore.
Half the time I forget who I am and what I have to offer.
I think I struggled with this a lot at the daycare too. Too many tasks to accomplish and my real heart not being wanted anyways, so just turning it off.

Pray that I would be aware of who I am in the Lord and offer myself without condition and regardless of response. That I would fully engage and be real around the Littles.

Morocco and Missions

2007-09-12T16:45:00.000-06:00

Monday morning we had a morning of learning about and praying for Morocco. Four LeadTimers from last year's class are headed there on a missions trip until December. We watched part of the movie “Babel” that was filmed there- it just wrenched my heart. I wanted to be there. It reminded me so much of Nepal. The simple, weathered, beautiful, generous people. No entitlement – so different than us and our world. I just love that world- I love those people. I think I cry even more for us and our blindness to them and to life than for them. I don’t know – Monday really opened up a yearning from the depth of my heart – I always know its there, but it hasn’t been opened a whole lot lately. Lord, please do with that what you will. I'm glad we have a big God, sovereign over this big world, with a big heart for all its people.

Campfire

2007-09-12T16:43:00.000-06:00

Pam and E

B, T & NW, Desi

Last Saturday night we had a successful house night full of kickball, bonfire, smores, and guitar. What could be better? And most of the girls actually participated and enjoyed it!

Some Introductions

2007-09-12T16:18:00.000-06:00

Desi and Book- our girl's house directors. These beautiful women are roomates. They live off property, but spend a lot of time at the house. They deal with money, Dr's appointments, parents, etc. Most importantly they've got our back on discipline and come to our rescue in crisis situations. Book is discipling me this semester.

"Granny" (Jenny) and "Papa Joe" - our LeadTime Directors. What a blessing these 2 are. They plan all our studies and activities as a LeadTime class and just disciple us and walk before us. I have much to learn from them and love their unique personalities and hearts for the Lord.

Julie- she's Direct Care Staff for the girls. She's crazy and fun and has spent a lot of time getting to know our LT class. Its nice to have her and another DC around who are more familiar with the girls and the routine than we are.

Jones, one of the Counselors for the Littles. She is also a lot of fun and has made a great effort to welcome our class, get to know us, and bless us.

Praire Dogs- the squirrel of Colorado

2007-09-12T15:59:00.000-06:00

Isn't he cute? These guys rule the ecosystem out here. We also have a ton of rabbits - and I saw my first snake this week too. Praire dogs look cute scurying all about between their tunnels, barking, and peeping out of their holes, but they're actually kind of ugly up close. I'm betting that before I leave Colorado I will hit one on my bike because they're always making a mad dash in front of my tires.

What a wierd place Colorado is- so much life and ruggedness. I still can't get over the mountains, the smell of pine, or the little streams everywhere....And don't forget the fact that the temperature has been in the sixties all week! This place is good for my soul.

M's progress

2007-09-12T15:48:00.000-06:00

So, about a week ago, M had an epiphany. She realized that she’s pretty much made no progress here the last 3 months due to the fact that she isn’t being herself. M is definitely the “best” kid here in that she’s never had issues with sex, drinking, drugs, etc. However she still has a lot she needs to work though but instead she’s getting upset over things she isn’t really upset over and dealing with other people’s issues instead of her own. She doesn’t want to do this anymore! Praise the Lord. She’s talked with both her counselor and her parents about it and is now just trying to make the daily changes to walk it out. Thank you so much for your prayers for her. Please pray for power and freedom now that she is really ready to move forward. More than anything that she would know her worth and the depth of the Lord’s love for her.

M and I had a good Big-Little last Friday, we baked together. It was nice to have time together and a chance to ask her real questions because she had been ignoring me again since our one real conversation and doing some things to intentionally hurt me. During our Big-Little,M told me that a lot of the reason she has trouble opening up to me and responding to me in a healthy way is that I remind her a lot of her mother. She wasn’t sure why other than that I was “strict”, but she knew this wasn’t the full extent of why I reminded her of her mom. She and her mother do not have a good relationship. I know from M’s counselor that her mother holds up an “I’m perfect” image and although she hasn’t said it, I’m afraid she may view me this way too. I’ve talked to her about this a little, but please just pray for opportunities for me to be real and broken before her. Also, although it kind of makes things difficult in the immediate, the fact that I remind her of her mother in the long run could be a really good thing. Pray our sovereign God would use this to move mightily and bring healing in their relationship.

Fun with the Littles

2007-09-08T13:58:00.000-06:00

SJ and T with Ashley at our dance party Friday night

A with Katie, her big. A was honored as "Little of the week"

NY, B, and SJ Monday on our outing to downtown Denver.

Throwin' blows

2007-09-03T22:33:00.000-06:00

Umm, so we had the joy of experiencing our first fight last night. Sunday night, during study hall time we have "Sunday Schpele". This means that while the girls are locked away in their rooms studying (yeah right) - The girl Bigs have a chance to get on the same page and catch up with one another. Its a very important and much needed time. Well, last night, we finished Sunday Schpele to find lots of excitement and whispering. So we're trying to figgure out what's going on and it ends up that one of the Littles beat up another Little during Sunday Schpele. That made for a long night- yes, with trying to figgure things out and calling the house director and cops, and settling everyone down, but much more than with these things, with my heart. Its amazing how the moment one person or situation escalates here, so does everything else. Its like everyone has to try and find some way to "one up" whatever is going on and try and get more attention for themselves. Its crazy. After things settled down last night, the moment I opened the door to my room I fell apart- and that lasted a few hours till I fell asleep. I don't know why everything here tears me apart so much, it just does. Satan is such a punk- I was really mad at him last night.

Today was fun. The Littles were out of school, so for the ones that weren't room grounded we tried to just get them out of the house. I got to take 3 girls to downtown Denver to this outdoor mall, and some of the other girls went iceblocking. I was a Little nervous becuase it was my first time to take Littles off property by myself, much less to downtown Denver, with 3 girls that I did't really have a relationship with. But they were so good. They are always a million time better one-on-one or in small groups. Even though there was no deep relationship building today, I am trusting that as over time we get to do things with the girls and serve them in different ways they'll come to see us as people and decide they might want to get to know us.

I had a great realization yesterday afternoon....... I'm not supposed to be friends with the Littles. I am supposed to love and serve them, but not be their friend. The Bigs and staff are for that. Not the Littles. And that may seem like a no-brainer, but its really hard to tell that to insecure emotions that desire for the girl's approval and friendship. But that's not my role. And really in just being here and being consistent and taking the opportunities the Lord provides and speaking truth He can use me perfectly. And as much as it may feel like it, this doesn't require being their friends. I guess its kinda like being a parent.

Tomorrow is our first day of LeadTime class. Yay!

Catch Up

2007-09-01T14:38:00.000-06:00

Sorry I haven't written- things are pretty busy around here
Wednesday and Thursday morning were difficult. I think just because of so much change (coming back to property, new Bigs and a new Little, school starting back) emotions were heightened which was draining. It’s easy to see yourself the way others see you too- and so just struggling with feeling worthless. Then Thursday afternoon after the Littles had group counseling they decided to “initiate” us by hiding with one of the counselors and faking a “run”. And then they wanted to play this silly game to embarrass each of the Bigs. Even though they may have felt like “haha, we’re initiating them”, they really were enjoying themselves and it was a sign of acceptance to us.

Then Thursday night M finally talked to me for real – apologized for ignoring me and just told me some about her past and things she struggles with. Praise God! This is a big victory. It was kinda cool because I had e-mailed asking for prayer about that Thursday afternoon and late Thursday night, when M came to get me another Big, Ashley has just asked me about her and how things were and I didn’t really know how to answer. So thanks for your prayers.

Friday morning was super encouraging. Every Friday morning the Bigs have worship/prayer and girls/guys small group. The girls are going through “Captivating” this semester. I am really excited about this time to share, grow, and seek the Lord together, and this week it was just a reminder of a lot of the reason why we’re here. We knew that, but since we hadn’t really done it yet, I had forgotten.

I also got to talk to M’s counselor on Friday morning. This was very insightful and helpful. Then Friday afternoon and evening was just hanging out with the Littles. The old Bigs were allowing M to do things that I felt like was allowing her to manipulate them and stay where she was rather than move forward with her therapy. Her counselor confirmed this and said we needed to change things and that she would help by speaking with both M and the Bigs.

Friday is the official Big/Little night – Time where we hang out and do fun things with our assigned girls. M has “hours” though which means that we can’t leave property. “Hours” are work hours that the girls are given as consequences. Me and M didn’t really do anything for Big-Little, but that’s ok. Some of the girls go to Celebrate Recovery at our church on Friday night too. Also, a couple girls got room grounded b/c some tobacco was found in a bag when they came back from break. This means one of us has to be at the house and with them pretty much all the time.

Saturday morning the girls get to sleep in some and then we do “work project” – mainly cleaning up around property. I lucked out and got to go on the Walmart run during work project to get the kids requests for them. We just hang out for the afternoon and then tonight we have “house night”. We’re all just gunna have a game night together.

So I know this was probably a little hard to follow, but maybe it gives a peek into what things are like around here.

Transition

2007-08-29T00:21:00.000-06:00

Have I mentioned that I love my team of Bigs? I really do. Yesterday we had a fun day of hiking for "Doulos Day" which is a day we'll spend once a month just with the other Bigs and the staff. There are pictures on Facebook becuase one of the counselors here is a big Facebooker.
This afternoon we had a BBQ and scavenger hunt with the Littles.

Tonight was pretty rough. The old Bigs officially left about 2 hours ago. There were a lot of tears, which is a really big deal for these girls. The girls here tonight are all really upset. One of them cut - which happens to be quite the fad around here.
Tomorrow is our first day officially "on coverage". We will pick up the girls who are still on break from the airport and the real fun will begin. The girls who are coming back tomorrow actually have the stronger more vocal personalities and for the most part are the girls who have been here longer and will take the change even harder.

One good thing in the middle of this is that for the first time since Sunday afternoon, "M", my Little talked to me and acknowledged my presence as a human. It wasn't a big conversation, but it was a big step. Hopefully I'll get to talk to her for real soon. Please pray for so much grace these next few days. That the joy of the LORD would be our strength.

2007-08-26T10:42:00.000-06:00

Thanks for your prayers. It is good to be alive. To enjoy the sun and the mountains and beautiful people. To know the powerful Word of our God, and to be in the place he has put me. I am really having a good time here. We got to go outdoor rockclimbing yesterday. How fun!

The 5, 9+ rock we conquered

Please pray against any apathy for my team. This next week will have a big impact on our whole year since as the other Bigs leave we will be begining the new routine and setting the tone for what's ahead. Oh how we need to seek and rely completely on our Father. We all agree that anything good that is accomplished in this place is going to have to be done by the work of God - pray that our actions would reflect this.

This is in Downtown Denver - we don't look like apathetic people do we?

I don't think I've put up a picture of Jodi yet - the last girl added to our team- she's fun.

Today

2007-08-24T16:42:00.000-06:00

Me and Tasha, M's old Big, picked her up from the airport this afternoon as she returned from her time home. I'm so excited to begin spending time with her and learning more about her. (Did I mention that we get to do fun things like strip searches here?)

Pray for our interaction with the old Bigs- it hasn't been that great so far. This is a hard time and transition for everyone. But we definitely need their wisdom since they are just finishing what we are about to begin- pray that there would be a chance for us to really glean from them before they leave, the 28th.

Rules and other thoughts

2007-08-22T15:33:00.000-06:00

Rules- there sure are a lot of them around here - its kind of like working at a prison. :o) Just kidding, but I definitely feel like its going to be impossible to remember, much less enforce all of the rules. The good thing is that the rules are here to serve relationship, which is what really brings change. (Rather than the rules being almighty and relationship being in place to serve them, which is more typical and much less effective)I'm not too great at enforcing, confronting, dealing with conflict, etc and that is going to be daily life around this place. And when I do have to deal with a problem, my tendancy is to go into what we call "helicopter mode" and try to fix things myself -thinking that others need me to help. But people have to learn how to deal with situations and make good choices themselves without others controlling them, or fixing things for them.

We're learning all the theories of correctly dealing with crisis situations right now - its really intersting and very wise, and totally doesn't come naturally. Supposedly, the only thing constant in this place is chaos. Seems true enough so far. I'm asking the Lord to free me of the need and desire to be in control, to fix things, to have the right answer. And at the same time to give me the strength to be firm and consistent.

Supposedly I am going to fail here every day. Seems true enough so far. I don't like to fail - I'm asking the Lord to free me of this performance based, people pleasing, prideful living. (And by the way, if he could, I'd like him to do it without me having to fail to much .....wait a minute, i guess that's the problem)

I'm also asking him to free me of judgemental attitudes and teach me to really see and love people like him. I know he's changed me a lot in this over the years (I'm from a rich, white, subarb) but that I still have a long way to go.

I'd love for you to pray these things for me too.

The Property

2007-08-22T15:00:00.000-06:00

My new favorite thing to drive

The Gazebo area

The front living room and Bigs office in the girls house

My hammock in front of the Dining Hall/meeting area/classroom building

Our high ropes course and rock wall

Basketball court and land

The volleyball court, parking lot, main office, and entryway

In addition to these, there is a pool, a metal playground, a guys house, another girls house, and a weight room. The actual property/facility has grown on me quickly - I really like it. Its not that big of a place though in comparison to a camp, so its definitely nice to leave property when an opportunity presents itself.

The last couple days

2007-08-20T13:27:00.000-06:00

Hiking the FlatIrons

Saturday was a fun- I explored Westminster a little in the morning had lunch with my teammates, then most of us hiked up the FlatIrons in Boulder and then had dinner together and a time to pray for what’s ahead. When we got back to the property all the girls were here and waiting to meet us – It was really fun just to see them, it takes away the intimidation to put faces on them. They may have hard issues and there may be hard times ahead, but they’re just teenage girls…so that’s good to know. As we spend the day with them today (Sunday), pray for eyes to see them as Jesus does – to feel and mourn for them and to also see who he wants to make them.

Sunday- we went to church with all the current Bigs and Littles. The church we'll be taking them to is called FlatIrons Community Church - The Littles all seem to really like it, and for most of them it may be the first time they have ever liked a church. The place is huge (for being in a strip mall next to a liquor store) and full of people (they have 6 services- 2 on Saturday). Most people don't dress up and there was a pretty diverse group of people.One of the announcements was to help buy backpacks and school supplies for the 1700 students in Denver starting school without them. Another announcement was that people coming to later Sunday services need to start coming to early Sunday or Saturday night in order to make room for visitors. And the sermon was from James on caring for orphans and widows - haha, it was sweet to my heart to have these familiarities from Living Hope. Sunday afternoon we were assigned our Littles. At the moment I only have one. We'll call her M. I really like M- she's very chill and just seems sweet in comparison to many of the high strung girls. Before church that morning she had come and sat with me and another Big and asked us why we had come to Shelterwood to be Bigs– saying that it was gunna suck and wondering why we would want to be there –but being real and genuine.
This morning we took most of the girls to the airport to go home for break, except for 4 who weren’t allowed to go. So this week its just us and the old Bigs and a bunch of training b/c when the Littles come back the old Bigs will be gone. Pray for M and all the Littles as goin home is very painful and filled with temptation for most of them.
Jodi and David - 2 more Bigs just arrived, so we'll be getting to know them to.

PRAY:
That this week we would truly seek the Lord and his heart for us together over the next year- to start off with great purpose and vision.

Never Done a Role Play Like That

2007-08-18T11:25:00.000-06:00

Today is pretty much a free day for us. Yesterday was a little overwhelming - There are 2 counselors (who do therapy with the Littles) who have been training us and they were talking about different situations we are going to face and having us role-play them. It was like the, "Are you ready to be hated, yelled at, cussed out, ignored, mocked, and everything else negative" Game. Its not that we didn't know that was coming, but it's one thing to know and another thing to stand in the middle of it and try to respond correctly. It was definitely helpful, but a little overwhelming. Pray that we would all die to self and not try to win or fix, but simply love. I think we are going to spend time together praying for the Littles today before they all get back. Please pray that this would happen, be so good, and only be the begining of much to come.

My new room

2007-08-18T11:19:00.000-06:00

It was already maroon - whoop!

A Willing Team

2007-08-17T08:28:00.000-06:00

Praise the Lord already for unity in my team! Yesterday was full of team building (as today will be) but by God's grace we already fit well together- there is a willingness among all of us and unity in what we are here to do. Plus, I really love all the LeadTimers- this is gunna be a great community. There are 6 girls and only 1 guy here right now. 2 married guys1 or 2 single guys, and one more girl (newly added- her name is Jodi- Lindsey decided not to come last monday) will be arriving in the next week. So please continue to pray for unity - especially for the 3 who are still to arrive and a little out of the loop- that they would ease right in feeling comfortable- that we could get to know them quickly and they would add exactly the dynamics that are needed.

This pic is in Golden- we jumped in a floated a short piece of the freezing river