LeadTime Retreat

Our retreat on Monday and Tuesday was so much fun. It was such a blessing to spend this time away together - we did a lot of playing and eating and resting and worshiping. It was really great. I think more than anything I took away from it a thankfulness for the community God has me in right now. It is really a blessing to get to share life day in and day out with the 7 other girl Bigs (as well as the Littles and staff). There are not a lot of places where you get to do that. I tend to be somewhjat independent and miss out on the things God has to offer me through other people. During my eval last week someone nicely put it that I "rely on God almost to a fault". I don't think its possible to rely on God too much, but I do think we can fail to rely on those he has given us, and I know that I do that. I don't want to. I want to enjoy and glean all I can from this community during the next 7 months.


Julie and Pam wrestling on the ice after our broomball game.

Mid Year Eval

So, I got to do this fun thing this week where I sat down with my Directors, the intern, and one of the house directors and just got feedback on the strengths they see in me and challenges on areas to grow in. I think its really cool that they do this, and I love all of these people dearly, so I was blessed and encouraged by what they had to share (although a lot of it is a blur). But anyways, I had to fill out my own self evaluation before hand, and I thought that although that is a little personal it might be encouraging or challenging to others.

1) What areas of your life have you experienced the greatest growth in so far this year?
-Accepting and seeking Christ in suffering, rejection, failure, and weakness. Learning to begin embracing these has also been the been the beginning of humility.
-Learning to be hopeful and inviting in relationships with others, asking questions and listening with openness and being more willing to offer parts of my own heart and life
-Growing eyes that see people and Jesus more and tasks less.

2) What has God revealed to you as hindrances to growth?
-Wanting to perform: fear of rejection and failure and so trying to protect myself form or avoid failure and weakness
-Trying to shut off emotion
-My desire to fix or control
-My need to understand and be understood
-Shame
-Lack of confidence and courage
-Independence: not asking others for help
-Forgetting/letting go of parts of my heart
-Lack of discipline in seeking the Lord and being still

3) What areas would you like to experience growth or change in during the spring?
-To love because Christ loves and in the way he loves
-To continue to learn to be ok with just being- with hurting or not understanding- and so live in greater dependence on Christ in those places
-To grow in confidence in Christ and who he's made me

Just a funny story

So, we have a lot of funny (sometimes not so funny) stories around here, but one of my classmates typed this one up and I thought you might enjoy reading it.

The boys house was having a bonfire on Friday night when
two of the guys decided that it would be a good time for them to run.
By time the male staff had realized that the boys were gone, the
littles were long gone or so they thought. I drove one of the boys
cars up to the mountain that Sunday for our snowboarding program. I
was able to hear the whole story from them. Apparently they had snuck
off and simply laid down in a nearby field. They ended up getting
cold and once everyone on property had gone to bed they came back to
the fire to warm up. Once the fire went out around 2 in the morning
the boys snuck into one of the classrooms and slept for a few hours.
They woke up around dawn and left property for the first time since
they "ran". They bought some cigarettes and returned to property. At
this point in was Saturday morning. Instead of smoking the cigarettes
while they were still off property they did what any good rebellious
group home kid would do and returned to property where they sat on the
gazebo in the middle of property and smoked the entire pack. It
definitely amused me to see this event because where else would
intentionally breaking rules knowing that you would get in trouble for
doing so be seen as a badge of honor.

Pictures

At the Stockyards/Miniature Horse Show for Doulos Day

Desi, Me, and Julie - gotta keep your hands clean


Jessi and Desi - farm girls rule

SOS

Mission Statement

It may seem a little late to finally develop one of these, but our LeadTime class just did this today. Pray that it would be more than words and we would daily live this out.

"We seek through grace, as a community, to abide in Truth and surrender our lives to serving and loving the Lord."

Psalm 3

But Thou oh Lord art a shield about me.
My glory and the one who lifts up my head.
To the Lord I cry aloud,
and He answers me from his holy hill.
I lie down and sleep;
I awake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.

Ever feel like this? I'm not fleeing for my life and kingdom like David was when he wrote this, but this is definitely my life right now- the crying and sleeping and awaking only because he sustains me and in the midst of it all lifts up my head so that even when things are the worst I need not fear.

My 2 Littles

EM snowboarding

M and I dressed up funny to pick someone up from the airport

Before "EM"'s first week here was over, she managed to get 2 major offenses. A modified sex offense and a drug offense. So, she has been stuck in her room serving "reflection time". She is still trying to find her place in the house and with the other girls. She has her first phone call with her parents tonight and will be begging them to take her out of the program. When they tell her they're not going to she will probably get even more chaotic and maybe try to run. (this is pretty typical of new girls) So please pray for their conversation and EM as she deals with what they say. Also EM just got a new roomate, "T". T is an upper level girl in the program who is relatively mature and really loves the Lord. Pray for her relationship with EM- that she would stand up to her, but also love and have patience with her.

I don't really know how "M" is doing this week, only not that great. She went back into shut down and avoid mode with me last Thursday. This is so hard for my heart. Pray that I would not be upset with her, but just love her anyways.


I just need the Lord to be able to love the Littles in general. Their hurts are so deep, and their walls are so thick and after 5 months I still don't know how to enter into that place very well.

Snowboarding

So we had our first day of SOS (Snowboard Outreach Society)with the kids on Sunday. For the first part of the day they complained a lot and said they were quitting (some did and some never even tried)- but by the end of the day, most of them had kept at it and were starting to get the hang of it and were really having fun. I definitely face planted a few times but was having a lot of fun by the end of the day. I also got a lot of practice (about 5 hours) of driving in the icy snowy mountains on the way there and back too. Thank you Lord for your protection! Maybe my neck will stop hurting before next Sunday when we go back.

Awaken Me

"The Soveriegn Lord has given me an instructed tongue to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being taught. The sovereign Lord has opened my ears, and I have not been rebellious."
Isaiah 50:4-5

praying for this

New Friends

2 new Bigs arrived this week. Kenny from Wyoming and Marcedes from Pennsylvania. It is really good to have them here. Please pray for them as they get used to life here. That they would bring all of who the Lord is in them to our community. That what they bring would benefit us and what we have to offer would encourage them also. Also just for quick connections to be built with them, since they are the only 2 who are new and the rest of us have already spent 4 months together.


We also received 2 new girl Littles this week. One, "G", is 14 years old and seems really cute and sweet. She comes from a pretty mixed up family with 13 half or step siblings. She doesn't know her real dad and was raised by her mom and uncle. I've gotten to play and joke around with her, but don't really know much more about her.

The other new girl Little, "EM" was assigned to me. She is from California and 16 years old. From what I could tell the first day, she has a really poor relationship with her parents- is just manipulative and rebellious with them. She was really into pot and guys and is very fashionable. She also is not really interested in God- her parents are Christians and I think she just sees Christianity as a bunch of stupid rules.

It is fun to have new faces - please cover us with prayer as we all get to know one another.

Back at it

So, this is only the 4th day the girls have been back, but it feels like much longer than that already. I forgot how exhausting normal life is here! The hours are long, so that it part of it, but even more than that there is just non-stop relational draining. I have more real and intense conversations and see more hurts that people are dealing with in one day here than I think I would in weeks outside of here.

We talked about rest in class this week.
In Jer. 31:25 God says:
"I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes(works to the point of exhaustion)"

And Jesus says in the familiar passage Matt 11:28-30:
"Come to me all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you shall find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my load is light."

Jesus, in the place of weariness and exhaustion and bearing burdens may we come to you and allow them to be your burdens. Thank you that you refresh us and provide rest for the soul. Teach us to not strive but entrust all the work to you knowing that your work is already complete. May nothing prevent us from coming to you.

Extended Break

I've been back in Colorado since last Wednesday night, but by the Lord's blessing, it ended up that none of the girls returned to property before tomorrow. So I've had almost a week of extra break hanging out here with a couple other Bigs who have been back too. Here are a few fun pictures.